Sunday, August 9, 2009

A Very Special Week

Tanya Marie Anderson-designer
The Sampler Girl
35 ct linen
DMC and Gentle Art Samplar Threads
buttons with ribbon from Bessie Mae's Cottage
shell hearts from Walmart



This week is very special to me. Most of the time I remember in my own privacy but since I have such good stitching friends I will share.
In a hot summer in 1985 my firstborn son , Aaron, was born in certain circumstances that were in reality a nightmare in and of itself. Without getting into details, I will tell you that the hospital has since changed one of its policies in regards to the delima.
My regret is that I did not get a picture of him. Even to this day, it bothers me greatly.
Aaron weighed 7 lbs, had a headfull of straight black fine hair and was the sweetest site in my whole life. He was 23 inches long, so I think he would have been a tall boy.
To put the long of it short, I arrived at the hospital and because it was the change of shift and other extenuating circumstances, I was tossed off to the side in a room in labor without a monitor. The first person that greeted me got fetal heart tones at 144. I'll never forget that number. I knew it was going to be a boy and happy, so happy. I was actually due the day I went into labor. It seemed everything fell into place. His nursery was explicitly ready and just had a shower so I had everything a new mommy could want for. I had my bags packed and taken to the hospital not knowing he would be buried in them that weekend.


Well, not knowing that I had a cord defect and that when the water was broken the blood supply to the baby stopped, the process kept proceeding as usual. The doctor whisked in the room to break my water with an instrument who ultimately caused Aaron to meet his demise and changed my life forever. I was not on a monitor continuously.

Not long after he shot out of the room, I began to have excruciating pain and I actually felt the baby's head jerk near my pubic bone. I later found out that the child was having a seizure and dying at that time.


It took about 45 minutes for me to crawl from bathroom to bed and try to yell for help. At this point, no heart tones were found and I started to literally bleed to death. I abrupted which is a deadly emergency. I remember them stunned, all the nurses and 2 doctors by my bed when they tried to find a heartbeat on an ultrasound. I couldn't believe what was happening to me.
Because I started basiclly becoming in a serious condition I went out on narcotics listening to them yell about transfusing me as I almost died.


I didn't of course and woke up and saw a very bright light. This part is questionable as in the intensive care unit I brushed death several times. When I was waking up from the medicine and after I had him, there were people everywhere wanting me to look at him and hold him and to this day, I felt bad that I didn't until the funeral day. I buried him in a yellow jumpsuit with a blanket that said "Thank Heavens for Little Boys", a rattle, and even down to his little shoes.

A part of me died this day. A part of me left with him. Every year I celebrate his birthday mostly just myself. Everyone else wants to just brush it under the rug.
This year I thought I would stitch something in honor of him. He would be 24 this year. I have his footprints with my fingerprints right beside. I treasure that piece of paper.
Next weekend is truly his birthday weekend but I stitched it this weekend as it was laying heavy on my mind.


I picked out the two blue crosses and instead of putting OHIO and date, I put the two crosses and his year.
When I saw Tanya introduce this piece I loved it and I'll tell you why I picked it.


Unfortunately my son is buried 3 hours away from us and because it takes thousands of dollars to move him, we have just now started the process. The process is hard. It really is hard. Especially with no family support. But we are determined now more than ever that this is the right place for him to be, right by me as he was always right by my heart.

The piece, Token of Sweetness couldn't have described how I feel. He was the sweetest I have ever known. I loved him alot. And it hurt alot.


The 2 bunnies in the piece reminded me of the ones I saw last April when I went out to the cemetary where he will be moved to. I was walking around as usual out there and contemplating if I was making the right decision as I have a pattern of obviously not making some good ones, so about the time I was going to get back in the car, 2 bunnies appeared and stopped and stared at me. Now I know angels aren't bunnies, but I'm here to tell you that I felt the most peace I have ever felt. I knew my decision was right.


I'm telling you this for no sympathies but to say that life is short. It can be taken at any time.
I'm getting my life in order and just know the amount of peace I will have when he is moved here will be unrelenting. Now, I know there are folks who do not agree and thats fine with me but for me, for my son, we need to be together.
Thank you Tanya, for designing a piece that would remind us all of what is sweet in our life.



8 comments:

  1. Tanya, you have experienced such a nightmare and so much pain...I think you deserve the peace of having your son close to you. What a heartrending story and what a heartwarming momento to stitch for Aaron. Many, many hugs.

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  2. What a sweet piece. Good Luck on getting your son moved; I know that will mean a lot to you. I had a miscarriage between the girls and I named the baby and pray for it. My husband said naming it was "macabre." But a mommy knows differently! ;)

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  3. Words escape me at the moment, which is unusual for this old gal, but I am awed by your strength and inspired by your testament. Thank you for sharing your story and your burden with your friends.

    It's a mother's love for her children that makes this life beautiful.

    Hugs and prayers, and gentle forehead kisses :)

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  4. OMW, I forgot to mention that your finished piece is beautiful! I get so ferhoodled :)

    Hugs

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  5. My heart goes out to you. What a horrible, heartbreaking and tragic story. I am sitting here with tearss. I love your pillow and for you this finish will always be extra special. Tanya does seem to have designs that do that. The one on my blogs header is hers as well and one that means my Mom to me.
    I hope you are able to get your baby transferred closer to you without too many headaches.
    Take care.

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  6. Jennifer - I read your entry over three times with tears in my eyes. Such a horrible thing to go through. Maybe this all hit me harder today because I just celebrated my son's 16th yesterday and my pregnancy was one of extreme hardship - he almost didn't make it because my cord had disintegrated - he was barely 5 pounds.

    I think that you're decision to bring him closer to you is a very good one. That way he will always be close. We all handle things that happen to us in different ways, so try not to carry those regrets with you. He will be close to you now. I totally understand your need to have him close to you.

    Your stitched piece is beautiful and so perfect.

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  7. What a wonderful tribute. My heart goes out to you.

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  8. Jennifer....I don't even know what to say to this story....other than, what a strong person you are to share it with all of us. God Bless you and God Bless your sweet little angel.

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Comments are welcome at the homestead at any time! I appreciate your time out of your day to stop and say hello!!
We love to hear from you and yours any time and cherish the time you take to be with us here. I hope you have a GREAT week!
Jennifer

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