Good morning, New Year's Eve.

Lighting my fave candle of the holidays from Bath and Body Works, Frosted Cranberry. I promise you it's a great fragrance for cabin fever. It calms the mind. It calms the spirit and believe me, working with my computer right now with an ailing cord, I need calming. Good thing we found the warranty. Oh, but the withdrawals from it........


I stayed up too late. I only slept 5 hours and now it's showing. Where's the coffee?


Peaking out the window to see that the snow is turning to slushy snow and we are praying it dissipates before tonight because we have New Year's Eve reservations at a restaurant and if this refreezes, the ride will be treacherous. I know you all from the North parts of the US are laughing. Yes, only 1 inch of snow will shut the whole area down! ;)

Raven and Ruby had fun crunching in the show on the side porch last night.

Labs love cold weather! Labs love wet weather! And just put the two together and they are grinning in glee.

Hurry, hurry if you want to sled because it's melting. I put this out every winter. A friend at work gave me this years ago when Brandon and Meghan were still in the nest. I loved it! It reminds me of them when they were about this age. In South Ga. we had very few snows but in some ways it reminds me of them, close in age.

Ok, I think my oatmeal is ready. The butter is melting and it's Strawberry Cream oatmeal time with some news and coffee, my basic daily staples.

Well, I just have to put the little heel on the Blackbird Design stocking and then pick a backing fabric. Their finishing instructions use fusing material and I think I'm going to leave them open in case I want to tuck a sprig of lavender or such in them. We'll see how my creative spirit takes me today.

Stay safe and warm.

Jennifer

Part 2--The Road Trip Home

Late last night I did get some stitching time on Northanger Abbey by The Sampler Girl.

I hope to do more in the next couple of days but on the ride there and back I held Abbie so no stitching accomplished during the travel.

We stopped at a couple of shops and old stores and this book I found at an antique store in the middle of some very old books. Copyright 1987. Mostly French sampler motifs and what a charm indeed! I was excited to find this.

A few glimpses inside the book~~~~~~~

Most designs are enlarged enough to stitch. No color coding included here but the first chapter actually encourages replicating these if possible.

Many, many beautiful alphabets to choose from.

Beautiful redwork samplers.

Just wanted to share a pic at random here. We just got home and after Abbie ran around the house erractically, she got quiet and was found here curled on top of my scroll frame canvas case :0

Quickly to retreat back to a lounging position. She is so tired and so am I.

But we truly bonded on our little road trip.

She says, "To know me.......is to love me"

We went back through Sylva, N. C., a very cute town with a really cool old general store.

With a large Vera Bradley selection and 40% off sale.

A town that is at the bottom of this bliss~~~~~~

Make sure you honk your horn through this.

And then more of this~~~~~~~

Abbie and me.......taking it all in.

We saw lots of icicles on the side of the mountain.

And there was lots of traffic too. It was very hard to take pictures in a moving vehicle.

But then, at times, there were onlookers who suddenly stopped for a picture and almost caused accidents.

The skies were so beautiful that it was hard to believe that a storm would soon be coming into this area.

But the trip went by too fast and now we are totally pooped out but we have several more days to rest......in between laundry and taking down Christmas decorations.

I also will be inserting the CD that came with my camera to read the directions on how to use the camera to get the best pictures. I'm having alot of trouble with many pics turning out more yellow, especially with close-ups.

Another issue is that my laptop, my lifeline, is on the way out. My warranty stops in April 2010 and guess what? I have a connection issue with the cord and the monitor. It blinks now to dim, off and on if I move with the computer. We have to find the warranty tomorrow which means alot of digging through paper work in the basement. I can't live without a computer though, so we will be digging and hopefully find it. This same issue was the demise of my last laptop.

But if I just keep the feeling I got from this view, then tomorrow will be peaceful.

Reflecting on the day after

I slept good last night. Too good. I slept later than usual and guess who sneaked out at the crack of dawn to the After-Christmas sales at Walmart? Yup, Body guard. That man has an X chromosome somewhere and likes to take a sneak peak in those early hours after holidays. Me?
I'm just getting into good sleeping by 5am! ;)
And when 9:30am came around and I hobbled out of bed, he surprised me with a camera case from Walmart that I needed to go with my camera. He thinks of everything. I wish I could be a morning person like this but I am what I am.
We actually had a very good Christmas Day. Interesting day to say the least.
Very quiet and it ended with a fireplace and cozy warmth. Insomnia was not my friend as usual and I can't believe how much R and R recharges the body and mind.
We watched the Weather Channel over coffee this morning and decided to go to Pigeon Forge tomorrow for a couple of days! I'm so excited! I've got my Immodium ready! LOL
We boarded Ren at the Vet; however, they are very used to him after 8 years here and get excited when we bring him once or twice a year. We are taking Miss Abbie with us. Hopefully most places we go will accept pets and she will be bundled in her pink jacket and scarf. She is right now curled tightly in her blanket from Santa after scouring the kitchen floor for any possible Chex Mix crumbs.

I'm just lazing today and watching all the weather pictures of all the snow in many parts of the US. I just watched on TV a man leaping over the rail of his house and flipping in the air, landing in the snow drifts by his house. Doesn't snow just bring out the kid in all of us? ;)


My camera case this morning from BG's morning shopping. He said the store was not crowded at all. Now, I won't be afraid I will drop the camera. I have done that before and oddly, it was at Pigeon Forge last January......strange sounding as I write it......but I dropped it on a kitchen ceramic floor in the hotel and my Kodak never worked again. I cried but the damage was done.

So, here we are almost 2010. Doesn't that sound strange? Gosh, I remember when we all thought the end of the world would occur at 2000. People were storing bottled water and food for 3 months.

Well, back to some R and R, which includes stitching. I need to make my list of specialty threads so I will know what to get at Dixie Darlin. And packing.......remember I take the kitchen sink too! :0

My meltdown

I am overwhelmed by personal emails from people I didn't realize how much read my blog. I do not mean to cause upset but this weekend I think I had a meltdown, so I just shut down.

I do hope to get back to writing because I do miss it but right now I'm trying to get better physically and emotionally.

This Christmas season started off for me up and down, off and on. I was so inspired by so many people's blogs I read daily and kept pushing "the spirit" but we had some extreme change in plans and our holiday will be more different than I've ever known. I don't know how to process it sometimes but all I can say is that since this past weekend I have had physical issues with ulcerative colitis flaring (haven't had a major flare in 2 years), and try to work the 3 days till tomorrow with it.

We found out my daughter is not coming home for Christmas and still haven't heard lately of updates with Brandon in Afghanistan and I actually had to cancel our community party at our house Sunday night. Sunday, I just read an entire book, The Wednesday Letters by Jason Wright and it was inspirational.

After work today, had to go to the Urgent Care clinic because of the colitis not being controlled with the usual medicines and I am pretty dehydrated. They worked 2 hours on my arms to start IVS for fluids and couldn't get a vein so sent me to the ER and I'm a bad patient, didn't go but came home and will call the GI doc tomorrow. When they started talking about using my neck for an IV, I'm out of there. Yes, call me chicken. Cross my fingers, promise to drink more, but really don't like needles.....especially in the neck!

So, if I haven't been working, I've been sleeping.

The doc I saw tonight at this clinic was very nice. She was extremely thorough and insisted I stay at home tomorrow (today) due to the colitis so I can prevent maybe getting to the point of inpatient hospital stay.

I told her no, I have lots of patients to see and she stopped me and said in her European voice, "You are human. You are sick. You cannot work. I said so". She could here my stomach gurgling and I got some nausea medicine.

I was like "yes mam". She meant well by it and you have to know that medical professionals make the worse patients you'll ever meet. But, I'm heeding her advice so I can get better.

It's hard going full blast treating pelvic pain patients to lying on a table myself and being a patient. Gaterade and crackers just wasn't getting it anymore so I had no choice.

I have to come to acceptance that I can't take care of everybody's problems all the time, I am human and need to take care of myself better. Maybe this will be a good New Year's resolution.

Our trip to Chicago was canceled this past weekend as well and I felt responsible for it but shouldn't have. The big blizzard rolling through will prevent a drive there and sadly I was looking forward to being out of town on Christmas morning and seeing everyone in Chicago.

This is the first Christmas I can ever remember without seeing my kids faces open presents and it really bothers me alot. I know that sounds like I don't appreciate my husband because I do and look forward to being with him but there's just something about kids and Christmas no matter what their ages being home at that time of year. I will really miss that last minute shopping for stocking stuffers.

Speaking of kids, my chihauhaus are acting like kids now and Ren has actually brought some spunk back with Abbie. Abbie still doesn't understand that he is blind and old and doesn't want to play wrestle and toss with him but she tries hard and he is grumpy.

She's into chasing her tail now endlessly and teething/biting her Wingie Dingie chews quite regularly.

Tonight I got a picture of Miss Abbie with one of my bracelets I got a month ago at Walmart actually, very inexpensive but I loved the pink ice skates on them. I was joking that it would be a pretty necklace for her and it fit her perfectly. I got her pic and then took it off. Her eyes are again as green as Christmas bulbs and if anybody can help me fix that, that would be great. The usual remove red-eye part of the pictures in my computer won't remove the green, so bear with the emerald eyes in the pictures! But, she is quite the Diva with this on.

So, thanks for all the prayers and comments. I never knew so many people really read my blog regularly and I hope to be back up to speed at least by January 1.

Santa has given strong hints he is bringing me a better camera so I will have another good reason to post some pictures soon, hopefully, p-u-ll-e-a-ze....Santa! And I have to get my creative block dealt with, so I can get back to stitching too. But, through with Christmas stitching, that's for sure.

I love each and every one of you and I hope to talk with you soon.

Talk later,
Jennifer

I wish I was about 5 again

I wish I was about 5 years old again. Then, I believed in a real Santa. I didn't know any better. I just knew that that was the best time of year. We got cool things in our homemade stockings like oranges and peppermint sticks. I colored Santa Clause about 50 times before Christmas. Crayola was my best friend. I colored his face and put cotton balls for his beard. I snuggled up close to my brother with matching pajamas and got a picture in front of our wilted looking, thin tree but I didn't care at the time and I felt like that feeling would never end. It did.

Santa always left tinsel hanging off the roof and ate half my cookies I left out for him. He even would leave tinsel in the refrigerator when he got more milk to drink. He would also leave a little tinsel by my bed so that I knew he watched me to make sure I was asleep before he put my toys under the tree.
I think at 5 I finally got my Easy-bake oven I wanted but we were't allowed to turn it on because it used a light bulb but it was alot of fun pretending to cook. Now, I'm too tired to cook. Now, there are alot of things after the age of 5 that was not pleasant so I will digress at that but the age of about 5 was fun. The most stress I had was kindergarten and trying not to talk too much or play with my crayons when I wasn't supposed to be. I was nominated to dress as a snowflake in my kindergarten class and I wore a huge white showflake headdress homemade and flittererd across the stage with no cares. LOL

After days like today, I would like to be 5 again. Just a simple time when people are not quite so complicated and the strain of daily life takes it toll and swipes out any Christmas cheer.
I feel like I'm going at full speed ahead and quite frankly I'm as they say "over it" after today.
I went to bed finally around 1am this morning. Woke up to hear that it was 5am and BG had to leave work early. Didn't go back to sleep. Got stopped by a state patrol for speeding on the way to work and I was already running behind so he took his sweet time in the back, hiking up his pants and chewing me a new one for speeding. Called my hubbie and that was a mistake because he agrees with the cop that I drove too fast. And believe me, cops have an attitude always when they stop you. They think they are immortal and can talk any kind of way to you.

I finally get to work. I never made up the pace all day. It's a crazy way to live. Solving problems every 15 minutes under the pressure of our changing medical atmosphere of insurance who really are the ones determining patient care regardless of what we recommend. And folks, that is a scarey thing.

By the time I got off, I had to go to the older small local mall which is pretty doggone scarey on a dark night alone and get what I could to finish Christmas shopping. It was getting crazy too. So, then I shopped more than I should have just for the sheer adrenaline of something fun to do.
I went to Bath and Body Works......mistake. Victoria's Secret. Another mistake. And while I was picking out a few items of necessity, a nice gentlemen started up a conversation to me about helping him pick out his wife's panties and that was it for me. I was out of there. Why is it that men decide to ask someone else.....it can be a total stranger.....about something so personal?
I can just see me walking over to a guy asking him if he likes briefs or boxers and I go on to tell him how I really like one over the other and what size my husband wears and such.......And by the conversation and body language and his comments, I think he finally got his wife some underwear he could have gone to Walmart to get......but that's a whole different thing.
I did pass all shoe stores. Mark this date on your calender. I resisted the temptation to get a pair or two of shoes.
But, I couldn't pass up some good deals on sweaters and scarfs. There were some really good sales on beautiful colored sweats and scarfs.

At 9pm after driving the slowest I have in years home, I'm completely and utterly exhausted only to start the rat race again tonight and tomorrow.
It's hard to shut off the medical mode and when family or friends ask me for advice and I give it to them, they just ignore it, call it crazy and pay to go see someone else. That makes me feel pretty doggone stupid. So, where does the rat race end?
Isn't there just a point where it's too much? I think it is for me. I definitely have to make some serious changes by the first of the year somewhere to keep up the pace.
I need about 3 weeks somewhere snowed in a small cabin with extra food and heat and some books and stitching projects only. No TV. No news. Nothing. Well, maybe my laptop so I could keep writing and have 1-800 numbers available in case of emergencies; otherwise, complete silence. That may sound crazy but that's how I feel tonight and sadly it's how I feel alot of nights.
I see so many people in the same boat these days. Jobs are cut, then the people left behind have to do the work of 3 people or more. It's just plain crazy now. It's a cycle. People feel stressed, get sick, feel unappreciated, get more sick, on and on and if there is one thing Obama could do for our country in the medical reform is to in some way reduce the burden of stress on the general population. Because I"m a believer that stress can do some awful things to our bodies and minds.

I want to go back to 5 years old at Christmas and stay there. At least at 5, I could sleep 10 hours with no problem and recharge.

Oh, so how was your day today? ;)

The Weekend is here again and time to reflect

This week has flown by and seems in December every year the month goes by so quickly. By the 10th, it seems to really fly by till Christmas Day. I think the pace at work seems to make the time accelerate as everyone has a list of problems and they just realized that their deductible has been met. So, the rush is on until the end of the month for me.

For BodyGuard, crime is higher this time of year and with the economy getting worse, this doesn't help things.

It's funny because on Friday evenings, BodyGuard and I vent to each other, probably more than we should because we have had a whole week of dealing with public relations issues which usually involves folks who are for the most part thankful for the help they seek, but alot of the times are not. In the helping professions, we realize that some people appreciate us and then there are those that do not. We never mention names of course to keep confidentiality but we do have those "you won't believe this happened today" moments. And by now, we are not too shocked by some of the brashness of our society.

We have come to the realization that the current economic atmosphere has tainted the "simple world" living and it's basically a rat race now filled with people who want instant gratification.

Text messaging and cell phones have replaced alot of interaction in our society and this has been helpful in many ways; however, in others, it's taken out the personal touch.

Medical professionals are not respected as much anymore because the internet has replaced decision-making. Insurance companies determine now what medications we can treat patients with and I foresee that to be worsening with Obama's new plan.

In our professions, we can get yelled at or talked down to but still remain with a smiley face and offer as much help as possible regardless of how we are treated.

We do our best and at the end of the day, we realize some common themes run in both our professions:

1) some people just don't get it and never will--about 30%

2) some people don't care to get it--about 50%

3) some people really do care --about 20%

This is just our evaluation of the environment today. This fluctuates from week to week. We both strive hard to help make the world a better place to live.

Christmas season is filled with rush and this is something that has remained constant for as many years as I can remember. For us, we already have stressful jobs but the holidays adds to the fast pace. I see just as many depressed people during the holidays as I do cheerful and that is just what we deal with daily but a little worse.

BG spends his time educating, training, investigating and teaching alot on prevention as well as crisis management. He has helped write grants for bioterriorism issues and has much experience in dealing with current issues regarding public health as well. So, in many ways we have much to talk about in the evenings and for the most part, understand at the end of the day where our energy has been drained. It makes for great dinner discussions. LOL

Tonight we were talking about how we have both been in the helping professions for 30 years now and the world is such a different place than it used to be.

I'm sure our children will be saying this at our age one day too.

In 2000, I worked in public health and had 10 years of experience preventing disease, teen pregnancies, etc. I remember at that time Healthy Objectives 2010 and how so very far away that sounded. And here we are.......almost 2010. Most of the objectives by the CDC were prevention related and we have done a fair job in our country at attaining those but I think we still have a long ways to go in certain areas. So, it's time for an assessment to see if we have reached some of those benchmarks and I think it's interesting how so much technology has changed in the past 10 years to contribute to meeting those goals.

I'm glad to be home and slowing down now though. It's Friday evening. Time for some stitching.

I did get 9 minutes (I believe) during a very quick break at lunch to throw some stitches in the sampler I"m working on.

I set so many goals to attain before the 25th that I feel the pressure to finish them; however, on the other hand, I must decide when it's time to tuck away my Christmas stitching until next Fall.

So, the time is near that I turn back to non-Christmasy stitching. What will it be?

Hmmmmm......Logically I should go through my WIP stash and see but I'm itching to start a big new project and I already have several of them already kitted.

I'm getting drawn to the sampler "A Tulip for my Love" so.........stay-tuned! I did find out through the designer that the Fieldstone linen is not made anymore. She wrote me back through an email and said that the whoever made the linen passed away since then and it's not available. That was an unexpected response. But, I wondered why I couldn't find that particular name of linen. I some substitutes in mind.

Also, a reminder about the Christmas Give-A-Way which ends Dec 15th. I appreciate all the lovely comments and wish you luck. I think I need to start printing off the names and cutting them in little bitty pieces ahead! There are many .........and many more are welcome!

Stay safe.

Jennifer

Wednesdays are good!

Today is Wednesday and I'm leaving a short note on lunch break. It's gray, blowing rain outside and cold. I brought my stitching in a bag in the car but will not get enough time to run put a few stitches in during lunch break. I can't wait to be off tomorrow because I plan to stitch some from the Kitty Kringle Christmas pattern booklet by The Sampler Girl.


Yesterday, while I was near a quilt shop, I browsed through to see if I could find an alternative to Weeks Dye flannel that is called for in her Christmas booklet. I love the color and online it's kinda pricey if I ordered including shipping so I found a flannel the same color and houndstooth citranella green that is almost exactly like the Weeks fabric but it's another company, which I cannot remember now......Anyway..
I got a half yard for about 1/4th the price of the Weeks flannel! I was excited about that.
I had a couple of DMC colors I needed while I was there so I picked them out too. I should be completely ready to stitch tomorrow on my day off.


I did start another sampler and haven't stitched enough yet for a pic. It's Clara's Christmas Dance by The Sampler Girl. I had this one for awhile and I think I've about waited too late to stitch it but maybe, just maybe, I will be done with it by Christmas!! It has some pretty, pretty colors in it.
I also have a good book on my nightstand, Wednesday's Letters, which I started and the first chapter is sad but I know the book will be a quick read and a good one.
I'm amazed at how many responses and new people I'm meeting with the Give-A-Way! I'm so excited to see who will get these beautiful scissors and box!
Your comments have been so gracious and I do appreciate you, every one!


Well, back to work, enjoy your Wednesday and stay safe.

Jennifer

Stitching by the Light of the Sun

Our transformer went out today. My day off too. I had many plans but with no electricity and hot water....and total silence in the house (except for dogs), I gathered some stray strands of floss and my mind started thinking. Well, I had to go to the sunniest part of the house because my magnifying light of course, was out.
And this is the one I found, with a good chair and all! ;)

I followed the light. We have a generator, actually 2 of them, but without my honey running it, I'm lost. I"m very mechanically-challenged. That is too much like logical for me :0

with my scissors and glasses, of course. I started a new ornie from one of the freebie patterns at Primitive Betty's http://primitivebettys.blogspot.com/
I have a remnant of Amsterdam Blue 28 ct about 5 x 5 inches. Then I picked out some fabbie that would inspire the colors I chose.

To this comfy chair for the rest of the day. Silent Night turned silent day.

The Night is here so fast.........

Nite is already here. Today went pretty fast at work. Much faster than a day off where I have too much time on my hands......I mean your day goes by pretty fast when you deal with folks and talking about their colon cleansing......and divorces, and children......and oh, my........interesting gynecology issues.....but there's something about helping other people I think, that helps me take my mind off my own worries. And for the most part, people are thankful for the advice or help.


Got home a little late, and Body Guard had cooked some spaghetti which was good and we quickly ate and took Abbie to show her to an elderly friend that lives down the road. I had promised her that I would bring her this week. She really liked her alot. She has really been a good puppy for us.
Ren is coping......I mean, moping, well, as long as he has his meals on time and he has a sweater or T-shirt on, he won't leave us a puddle at the oven.


Funny, because tonight BG had fixed Ren a bowl of noodles. Ren kinda sniffed it and walked off and looked around...blindly.....but anyway, I know I have spoiled him when I grabbed up the bowl, put 2 spoons of sauce and meat on top, a little sprinkle of Parmesian cheese and cut it up into little bitty bites.

Yep, he wolfed that down in about 2 seconds flat! ;)


He's back to his little sweet self, snuggling in his Christmas sweater today that Parsley sent....he said to tell Auntie Parsley haaaaaaaay!!!! (in Southern accent, of course)

I want to let you know that satelite radio has been worth every single dime since we got it in this past summer. No commercials and a good variety of music. In our previous car, I literally wore off the paint on the button to switch radio stations because I just like music, not commerials, and yacking in the morning. I found a channel for a Book Radio tonight.
.
Now, on my way home, I have about 45-50 minutes so this Book Radio channel sounded great. Actually, I listen to 80's or 70's channels on the way to work, flying at about 85 miles an hour and then on the way home, I'm switching over to the symphony or pops stations. (no, I'm not Bipolar). I just find that the classical is more calming and after a day of listening to 20 people talk about broken relationships, periods, and children, I'm ready for a calming effect.

I love the classical flute, violin, and piano. So, on the symphony channel tonight, this guy encouraged checking out the Book Radio channel occasionally and

so I found it.......

And let me tell you something! I started listening and they were into Chapter 2 of some book and it sounded at first almost like a Jane Austen book. Then it went pretty much like a harlequin romance book and it was very risque for public radio satelite station, interesting indeed.
Well, I was into the Chapter 3 by the time I drove home and ready to give my hubbie a great big long kiss!!!!

His answer to that and a back scratch was......."Now this is what the world needs for a stimulus and we would be all just fine!!"
I couldn't stop laughing at him.


Well, it's almost 11p now and I'm doing my favorite....NOT....activity of laundry. I had sorted it out in the hallway last night and Ren walked into my robe sleeve and he got hung in the sleeve. It's time to get the laundry done......
We are also mapping out our Chicago trip which BG wants to drive. EEEEK! So, I went to yahoo maps and have it planned to a T. It will be a 12 hour one way trip. But honestly, by the time we bought plane tickets and rented a car when we got there, and all the other fees they put on there, we probably will save about 900.00. The airlines get 100.00-150.00 dollars one way just for me to carry my 1 lb chichi in my stowaway on board. That's 300.00 right there.

So, he won that one.......besides, I'm imagining more money for shopping that way too....... it all evens out.......

Like Scarlet said, tomorrow is another day. By the time our return trip takes about 3 days because I will want to stop at every "after Christmas sale" in 25 towns, I promise you we will fly next time.....hehehehehee

What Can I Get Into Today

Well, Miss Abbie has been a very good girl. She sleeps through the night. No barking or whining and ate her breakfast well this morning. She has done well with her potty papers.
We play with her after she eats and she loves it. She is teething though and her little needle-like teeth hurt so we have to keep her some chew toys around.
We hold Ren and love him too. He is back to no dogfood, just human food, so chili and potatoe for him last night from Wendy's made him happy!

The sun is out today. Yesterday and today, the weather has been absolutely beautiful! I think the high yesterday was 68 and no clouds at all.
There are a trillion leaves on the ground though and BG is working with the leaf blower right now pushing them back into the woods. I know alot of people burn leaves but I have a big fear of fire so he patiently just uses the leafblower for the enormous amount of leaves we have.

I have been craving cinnamon lately. This morning made some cinnamon and brown sugar/buttered toast and also cheese toast with our coffee.


I'm in the mood today for baking. Maybe some pumpkin bread or pumpkin pies or who knows?
A trip to town is also in store so I'm making my list from the pantry.

Last week when I was at Walmart (one out of town) they had the best Christmas shop ever with all kinds of baking papers to wrap up gifts in. Very handy stuff if you know alot of folks to give to.

I know it's early but like I said last night, I want to pull out my Christmas/winter village and put it together. It's almost like playing with a dollhouse to me. I got some more bags of snow last week and this year I''m adding a dog kennel, a man cutting wood, and a small round train track.
The town is growing each year!!!! ;) I usually put it all together by mid-November through 1st week of January. At night when we turn the lights down and see the lit-up village, it's really pretty.

Here's hoping your Saturday is fun-filled!

Jennifer

There are good days and then there are not so good days

There are good days and bad days and with PTSD, the bad days can sometimes be worse than you can ever imagine. I'm not sure if watching this endlessly or

approaching the holidays or if it's the continual gray rainy days ( until today!) that got me to this point. But, I really felt the burdens that have been put upon me lately and very hard. I'm trying to make sense of things that will never be made sense of, realign my life so that my journey is not futile, and try to count my blessings. It's hard with parents who wish you were dead and children who are so brutally cruel. But we keep going because we know that our hearts are in the right place and we have done nothing to deserve this cruel behavior.
Being the scapegoat of a family is hard enough. I came to the realization that nothing, not even God can fill the hole left by the abuse of family. Not shopping, not other people, not eating....nothing.

I think the holidays are the worst times for me because I always try to make it work, like a Norman Rockwell painting and it doesn't. For me, Christmas shopping was fun. I enjoyed picking out my kids gifts and only the best and most would do. I liked seeing their faces when they opened them. Most of them were tossed to the side with the tags still on them. I knew that and each year kept buying. I'm burned out. Totally burned out as being the giver. Giver of time, energy, gifts, conversations, reassurances, advice, etc. Tired of being the one blamed for everything.
Luckily I have off these next few days and I definitely need it. Because I have some serious things to consider. I have never wondered if there really was a God until yesterday when I drove home. Feeling guilty that I even considered this thought, I can't help but think it. I have no answers to prayer. I've been told this kind of thinking was normal coming from a home where one is shunned and pushed to the side as a reject. A problem, something that shouldn't have even existed. How can one look to God, the Father, when your own father deserts you ?

But, even through this, I have picked up here and there some holiday items this past week. I really have spent way too much on Christmas ornament-making for really, no reason. I've been too engrossed in work and stress to figure my sewing machine out but today I have started looking at the CD that came with it. Sitching I can do but then finishing always puts me in a place where I feel it's never good enough. My sewing is not that good but I want to finish them so bad!

I flex back and forth from, having a Christmas, to not having a Christmas. The only thing I know for sure is that we will be going to Chicago the end of December for a week visit with my in-laws which will be happy and fun-filled. Driving for 13 hours.......well that part may be pretty long but again, I will have my stitching frame ready to go. I'm super lucky to have a good hubbie that will stop whenever I need a stretch or if I see a stitching store too. So, this is something I look forward to.

On one of my more hopeful days this past week, I found these tinsel candy canes all grouped together and tied with a ribbon in a thrift store. I couldn't resist them. I've put them in here temporarily until I find another place for them. They were ultra cheap and oh so cute!


I also got this in the mail. Mother of pearl, heart thread rings. Ten of them. I've never made my own needle roll but one day.....yeppers, one day........I will put these little rings in my needle roll. Until then they will be lovely for holding my threads.

Kelmscott designs but ordered from The Sampler Girl webshop

I love hearts. Always have.

And while I'm moping in my robe this morning (or at lunch whatever time it is) I had to put this in my pocket to get some chores down. She is loving the pocket thing here.

She promises to behave while I get back to stitching and sewing.