Sappy Saturdays

So how was your week?

Mine went well, very well, taking a day at the time and the more days, the more I know I'm at peace.

Went to one of my fave places for a burger today and also received a dozen, beautiful red roses delivered to my house today, so love is definitely in the air here, with sweetness, and just making every day a Valentine's Day right now!! Even Flossie Mae has unexpectedly attracted all male cats for the past 2 days and she will probably be delivering kittens. I was late getting her fixed and was assured that cats don't go into heat until Spring. hummmm.......not here. LOL

So inspired, I decided to set up a few of my favorite Valentine's decor on top of my piano around my new roses and take a look-see:

A cup of tea anyone?

Times like these when I dust and can see the furniture. ;p

I love tea. I have some new Youthberry tea with orange from Teavana and have carefully enjoyed the full antioxidant benefits of it since I got it last week. Full of savory healing, wholesome and delicate goodness.

and there is one certainty, time moves right along.

And that is a good thing as I ponder many circumstances, some given to me unexpectedly in this life, but all have a purpose to fit somewhere. In time.

I have confidence in that much.

I got out some of my favorite pillow keeps

This one is from designer, The Sampler Girl, stitched by me. One of her freebies.

The top one, a freebie by Primitive Betty's stitched by me and another one which I love so dear.

I also love small quilt heart pillows. And this one just looks good here too.

And as I said this is Sappy Saturday as I miss my kids, now adults and hold them in my heart until they decide one day maybe to reconnect. I'm at peace with it. I know they will do what their heart leads them to do. They've tried many things to put a divide between us but in time they will learn the wisdom that mama's always love their babies and will miss them too.

It feels good to come to acceptance of these and many things that are "on my heart" today.

Because I know that really all things work together for good according to His purpose in his Time.

That's a promise I keep with MY heart.

and the roses, ahhhhhh, yes the beautiful roses. Mr. Darcy really does exist, ladies!

Now that's a sappy story as well with most of it unwritten for safety reasons. But as I've gotten a few emails about "the BodyGuard Situation",

this is where I must tell you the truth as he chose to live another life for the past several years, a life full of lies and deception, dishonesty and hurt, danger and pride, and I was absolutely unaware of many of his deceptions until July of this past year, but there again...... It was my time, my prayer was answered in months and as he strived hard to hurt me as much as he could, he really ended up being destructive to himself.

He is no longer in my life and I have no ill-will for him and he knows that. I am so glad I finally saw the light, the real kind of what kind of light he carried on our journey.

The rest is unwritten and will stay that way for safety reasons, but all in all, I feel safe with the One that loved me first, My Heavenly Father.

He protected me many times in my life and this past year was one of them.

He surrounded me with true friends and those who chose to say curt words and leave my life, I accepted their decisions as well, as they only didn't really understand, thank goodness the hades I went through so there is peace with that and those I've connected with are purposely only positive people right now.

I learned a hard lesson on trust many times in my life as many of you have too in yours. I am no different and am just saying that if you listen to your heart, your prayers will be answered. Just get ready for them to be answered in ways you may not think it will be.

By my bed is framed Be Still and Know I am God, and I see that when I awake and when I go to bed.

I stitched it a couple of years ago, designed by The Sampler Girl and it's given me so much encouragement.

So, last year, yes I went through a horrendous divorce with a man who's goal was only to hurt and hurt bad in every way.

I'm a thankful woman for the blessings I have and for the love of God to protect me even though he used every low avenue he could to deceive and perpetuate his deep seated lies.

I hope none of you go through this kind of betrayal but if you do, remember.... that there is a rainbow after the rain.

As a totally not interested person in relationships at all after all that, I guess another door opened, and this time, I have never felt so much peace inside with the friendship we've attained. It's refreshing, rejuvenating, lifting, and totally awestruck by the miracle God put in my life after Christmas Day.

The story will be unwritten here but all I can say is that ONLY God would be one to put this together and things that have happened are amazingly refreshing.

And for this, and other reasons, stitching, has been much to the side in the past several months.

But there are seasons in life that we all go through and I ONLY choose to respond and be with positive people as the negative, I really can't relate to and it drains me right now. I love to help others but those that are hurtful, I let go. It was time.

You wouldn't believe (maybe you would) some emails I got during this time from some bloggers.

I really felt sorry for them. I don't think they understood at all. But, I hope you know I heart each of you reading this blog, for whatever brought you to it today to read.

sometimes we don't know where the tree stops and the water begins but the reflection I see out my window one evening said it all.

Sometimes what we think we are living is only a shadow.

So, I'm totally in God's hands with what doors open next, but I will always trust Him forever.

I think 2012 and beyond is another chapter of life for me. Even the love of music is coming back for me. And it's nice to have someone to share that with.

So, I'm enjoying each day as best I can and that's the best we all can do.

One day the rest of the story will be written. It may require a book format! LOL

Through all this I learned these lessons:

1) no marriage or relationship can be based on dishonesty, deception, lies, and abuse

2) it takes 2 mature people to make one, just one doesn't work

3) never take a day for granted, it might change your life forever

4) thank all the friends who stuck with you and even those who chose to leave you for it showed you who really cared to start with.

5) slowly open your heart to a real kind of love because it can happen.

6) hug your children every day if you have the chance. If you can't, always hope, never lose hope.

7) if you've never seen your marriage partner open a Bible until his lies are found out, then pretends to do so and uses the word of God in a hateful way, RUN, don't walk. No matter what. God does not come looking for us. He knows where we are, we look for HIM.

8) accept nothing less than God being the foundation of a marriage relationship

9) life is too short to waste it trying to explain to former "friends" when they want to run as if it's contagious. If they were really your friend to start with, they would still be with you, if they dropped you for whatever, just nod, bow, and open the door for them.

10) Take safety seriously. If someone, anyone, comes to you in a dangerous situation in fear, don't say "I don't want to get involved" because in essence you really have taken the abuser's side by turning your head.

11) Pray. Pray without ceasing even when nothing but tears are flowing and you're speaking to the mountains and no one else because He DOES hear our specific requests and He already knows what we need if we just ask and be still. Patience. His TIME not ours.

and most important

12) I've found out twice what love is not so I can better recognize what love REALLY is. Even though I went through alot through the years, I'm thankful because I wouldn't know without the contrast.

The more days go by, the bigger the rainbow gets.

I hope you  have a  lovely Saturday evening and thank you for taking time out of your day to read my sappy moments today as I reflect on some very deep things, love, clean and take care of my home.

Home is Where the Heart Is means much more to me now.

Till later,

Jennifer

Welcome Beautiful Autumn!

 I hope to get some good pictures this week but I think the trees here are not peaked in Autumn color but this week will probably reveal  it's plethora of colors that grace the mountains.

Stitchy-slow still but I know with time I will be back and probably more than ever as I won't have the toxic distractions that have been of late.

Gratitude is my attitude this morning and even in the big bumps in the road, there are things that are blessings I'm counting. In fact, I've learned a lesson that in the difficult times I should be thankful for, as if they didn't present themselves to us, we wouldn't be able to appreciate the truth.

With October comes the remembrance of Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Purple shades are the primary colors used and in last year's designing I still have this to work on one day. Probably will not be done for this October but I'm thankful that I am inspired intermittently to put ideas to linen.

I'm thankful for my lovely daughter Meghan, who inspired me more than she knew and whose crayon- talent clued me in to get her an art teacher so she could express and find her true creativity.

I feel blessed to have a daughter with such inspiration.

I am very thankful for our guardian angels and friends both near and far. The amazing strength of prayer transcends all things in this world.

I am greatful for my son and daughter who grew up to become adults that anyone would be proud of and who through many difficult times became adults that this mama is proud of.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.

Worship the Lord with gladness;

come before him with joyful songs.

Know that the Lord is God.

It is he who made us, and we are his,

we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving

and his courts with praise;

give thanks to him and praise his name.

For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;

his faithfulness continues through all generations.

~~Psalm 100

Have a beautiful Autumn day and enjoy the beauty around you!

Jennifer

Keys to My Heart ~~ The Brave Heart

The Brave Heart

Keys to My Heart series

designed by Feathers in the Nest

copyright 2011

using Gentle Art Fragrant Roses and Brethren Blue on 32 count antique ivory linen

Matthew Brandon is the name in 1986, on one cool September night, to give to my son. He was born almost exactly 1 year after I delivered my deceased son, Aaron, who died at birth.  I picked out the named Matthew as it means "a gift from God" and I felt truly blessed.

 There are many meanings depicted in research for the name Brandon, which is of Irish origin. The one that I really didn't realize would become his passion and who he is, ironically, is the Irish meaning, "Brave Prince".

And that is his strength.

There is personal meaning designed in this sampler.

I think so much of the military is focused on spouses, and they DO need alot of support through war.

From my experience, the military does not address the concerns of mothers of soldiers enough in this area of the country, which I hope I see changed in my lifetime.

During his Afghanistan tour, there were many emotional ups and downs for all extended and immediate family members, as was to be expected by all. I remember rubbing my palms raw at the community send-off ceremony. And honestly, I don't think he is or was mature enough to understand. He will though one day when he has his own. He will.

A Lieutenant called our home during this time for other information from us out of the blue. We talked and exchanged concerns and with the help of the chaplain, who had the kindest heart in the world and I owe alot to him........finally, I expressed it in one sentence. Of course, they hear mothers who are concerned and honestly, the helplessness of it is in need of some attention.

I said in complete random to this highly honorable man, "Sir, you have to remember, you wouldn't have this soldier without his mother/me giving him life."

 Of course, I realize that I have left out fathers in this and did not on purpose as they too, wring their hands and worry and try to support and stay strong.

But, I'm speaking from my heart and where these keys will stay forever regardless of a given situation.

~~~From every moutainside,

Let freedom ring

 from Our Country Tis of Thee

The Freedom Sampler ~~ in honor of American soldiers

Sheryl Crow - Always on your side (Live) TO BRANDON AND MEGHAN

Flag Day Week and a sampler

I finished this piece in 2006 and stitched it for Brandon. I believe it's a Lizzy Kate but not sure....can't remember but during this time of year I rummage through photos of my patriotic stitching and so thankful I took a pic of this one.

Liberty

Freedom

Blessings I count EVERY day!!!!!

I wonder if he still has this somewhere now?  The frame came from my LNS at that time and I thought it really complemented the sampler. I think I still have the pattern somewhere....yep, I must look for it again.

Hope your day is well. I had a great long visit with my Godmother and friend Dot. She is great company and definitely fits the Jane Austen phrase "Friendship is the finest balm".

It's super hot here now with high humidity and I'm getting through the first earache/fever since I was in middle school, I believe. It's one painful thing, let me tell you.  I slept 0 hours until 5am this morning and I count my blessings for "black out curtains" so that I slept till 10am on my day off.

We are still working on several things that happened in the last couple of weeks including all the lightning damage and ID theft issues. In fact there will be someone working this afternoon at the house on something damaged and I think I will just resort to "my studio" upstairs and stitch by the afternoon light to stay out of their way.

Till later,

Jennifer

A Few To Remember that served our country

This is Body Guard's dad on the right, James (Jim)Dalenberg

Picture from when he was serving in World War II.

I think this was his battle buddy.

There is a plaque in the South Holland Library, downstairs Historical Society collection with his name on it.

I took many pictures on that trip to Chicago and I'm so glad I got these. We did get permission from the historical society to take these pictures, FYI.

The fellow in the black leather jacket......that's my hubbie looking at that uniform.

I was distracted by this:

Another family member in World War I

Of course, I couldn't help but remember our nurses on the missions. So I snapped this pic of the uniform.

This was back when nursing was really what nursing is about. I wish we could capture this dedication in this generation.

Miss Cornelia Dalenberg, BG's aunt, Jim's sister, was a missionary nurse that served many years.

Mostly in Saudi Arabia. She wrote a book, Sharifa, about her life and experiences over in the area, right where we are still fighting today. The Persian Gulf. We have a copy of this book and it's phenomenal to read because not much in their culture has changed over in the Holy Land in 100 years, really not anything at all when you read of her encounters. She served as a midwife for a King over there. What an honor.

She never married and dedicated her whole life to mission work.

And of course, here is my son, Matthew Brandon, named specifically because Matthew means "a gift from God". He just served in Afghanistan and thankfully, oh so thankfully, did not give his life there but did worry us alot. This was me taking his pic at his pinning ceremony in Columbus, Ga. --Fort Benning

Believe, me, it's a mixture of pride and complete terror, when your baby boy is in uniform.

Haven't heard from him like he said he would call us since the day he got back from Afghanistan. We are very proud of him as a soldier. As a son, who I thought loved me very much and raised, we are certainly dissapointed in his recent actions. I sincerely hope he can overcome those areas that challenge him emotionally. He left to deploy with alot of anger and didn't respond to any of his letters or packages we sent. In fact, the LT. told us finally that he wrote a formal letter that he was abandoned at birth and had not seen us in 6 years, and had been married for well over a year. The only truth was that he had been married. At first I was shocked. Then, I had to laugh as I remember quite readily our 22 years together.....from day 1 wiping butt to carrying to school and forever getting him out of trouble. I remember when he was 12 and the school called on the last day for his MMR shot which he had to have to be in school. He begged me to home school him in the back of the car while 3 of my nurse friends and I had to embrace him to give him this shot at the health dept.  Oh, my!  Where did that come from? 

 We sent plenty of pics and they were shocked and very apologetic. 

Again, we are so proud as a soldier and hope that the enotionally challenging issues certainly resolve if not only in his heart. That has to be hard to carry around such imaginations that are not real.

And this is my hubbie. He served in 2 wars being in the Reserves and retired 2003.

Our first year of marriage, he was called up for 9/11 to serve for one year.

Another frightful year indeed. But we made it through.

Maybe it was that kinda look right there that got me every time! LOL  Then,when he came back from that tour facing 2 young teens to stepfather and a  wife, his first one at age 44, he probably thought being in Reserves was better. LOL

The milestones we miss

I don't know where to start. All I can say is that I've busied myself with decorating and redecorating and working and reading and not allowing myself to think so much of the pain in my heart. I'm totally not writing this for a pity party. And I know that many will say  "This Too Will Pass" and it's just right now it's hurting so bad inside. My heart is broken and I guess I allowed it to happen so it's part my fault.

I never knew there would be a day when my son got married and I wouldn't be there with him, just to see that last milestone every mama wants to see. Maybe if I died or had a terminal illness but I never ever thought he would reject me at his wedding.

I have prayed and prayed about this situation for well over a year and without confiding some details that only God brought to light about a month ago and to respect my son's integrity I won't explain that part.
I only know that this week one day I had a little time to go over to the bookstore and while I was browsing through the books searching for something of encouragement, I heard playing over the intercom a CD by Randy Travis. It was a gospel song and I actually didn't know he sang gospel music. I heard it playing a song called "Angels". I had never heard of it before and I'm pretty up on music as I listen all the time and play the piano sometimes while I'm by myself.

As the lyrics were about angels (and I'm a collector of angels) I listened closer and then I realized what the words were saying and it was like my Guardian angel was singing it to me. I bought the CD called Three Wooden Crosses and for a nearly a week I've been listening to the CD, all 20 songs, back and forth to work and especially number 3 on it, called Angels. It's a very moving song and I hope you can hear it one day. It's about mothers, not as angels with halos or white wings but just plain people who protected their kids and bore pain to bring into the world a child thats loved the moment they put his little body on your stomach. I have all their recorded milestones on simple paper and have their baby clothes saved away, how much they weighed and when they started walking and talking, first words, lost teeth, times I took him to the hospital alot because he was sick alot before the age of 5.

I even started an IV on his little bitty right foot in an emergency in a small county hospital at 3am with a doctor that looked at me and told me I had too. I was the only nurse there that could do it on the night shift that night. His feet were tiny and he was dehydrated with fever and had seizures and the other nurses couldn't get the vein. I said I couldn't do it because I just couldn't stick my kid with a needle.
 Dr Griffin looked at me and said you've got too to save his life. So, me and Dr. Griffin took him to the 2 bed ICU unit and I was so tired but  you just numb out and when your kid is hurting or near death you go to work. I got it in and started fluids and he got better. Thank goodness I didn't work there but about a year later and now they have a bigger hospital and better staffing situation.

 I thought about the time he almost drowned in a pool in Columbia, South Carolina on an overnight trip I took both the kids by myself to visit the zoo. he was only about 9 then.  The ambulance had to be called as he was on the bottom of the pool and an angel, a teacher, dove in the water and pulled him out and I remember running around crying and thinking he would be dead but when he finally came to and coughed the water out he told the EMT's in a rough voice, "Don't worry, my mama always gets this way when I get hurt". The EMT's kinda laughed and that broke all the worry and tension and I stayed up watching him breathe all night by myself, with his sister by him alseep too after that in a dark hotel room. Then morning we went home.

I remember when he was 13 years old, we went up in a 4 seated airplane and we rode in back, holding hands because we both were scared of heights. He just looked at me with his big brown eyes and said over the loud engine "Don't worry, mama, if we fall, I'll catch you, I promise." Boy, he had an imagination because we were waayyy up there. But he kept holding my hand tighter and I knew he just loved me as I did him.

I remember when we flew to Arizona and I finally got my graduate degree, he and Meghan sat over beside us on the plane and it was her first flight and sick she got! But Brandon, he leaned over and looked at me and put his thumbs up in the air when we lifted off the ground. I have a picture of that. BG and I just laughed. He, from day one, made me laugh and cry, but mostly laugh.  I suppose if I tried I could recall quite a bit of stressful times and times that were trying but as mamas I think God made us that way to remember the good parts the most.

I'm no perfect person at all and I sure know I'm not an angel but I know I was a good mama. I'm sure there are better mamas who buy better, new cars for their kids instead of used ones, and pay all their college instead of part, and I'm sure there are parents who spend more time maybe than I did during those teenage years when they just want to go to their room and listen music or text their friends. I'm sure there are mams that didn't have PTSD either. And maybe I shouldn't have been so protective about him not going to join the army but I reacted out of love because I didn't want him to get hurt.

I've maybe'd if'd for a year now since he wrote me a horrible note that broke my heart before he left for Afghanistan. I did not understand at all what promoted that anger but I guess it's hard for mamas to admit their kids don't love them anymore. It's unimaginative. I even thought at a very low point last year that Meghan and Brandon would be better off if I had died years ago and they had a better mama. I don't know.

I don't know what the total rejection thing is about and even though it was painful at Fort Stewart to ask for a hug twice and get denied like I was just a plain stranger I wanted him to know I still loved him no matter what.

Am I angry? no, I'm very hurt and it's really deep. If their intentions were to hurt me, I just ask to please stop, it worked. My heart is in a million pieces right now.
Will it stop my life? No, I have other parts of my life like being a nurse practitioner and wife as best I can through all this.
Did it hurt my own parents? Yes, and it's something that I've had to be in the middle of for quite some time now. I have learned that I can't set their boundaries for them and save the world and that part, I let go.
Do I look back and wish I never had kids? No.
Why?  Because I never knew what real love was until I had children.
It's made me who I am today and this past year has challenged me to what my purpose really is here on this earth. It's helped me to relearn some things I had  many years ago in an abusive relationship called boundaries. It also drew me back to my faith which I had lost through some years of time. It's also made me realize that we should respect our parents more and the experience has put my own father in deepened thoughts in recent months and forgiveness and the words "I love you" which were never spoken between us are now spoken.
The hardest part is not the forgiving but forgetting.
I do know in time they will understand that their future will become one day their past and maybe, just maybe he will understand a little bit of the kind of love a mother has for her son when he sees his first, and feeds him, carries him to school, goes through rough teen years and then the cycle will go on.

Is my heart completely broken right now? yes and I didn't know it would hurt so much to be rejected by children you loved so long and so hard.
I think in every woman, there's always a little girl somewhere and she never dreams that her son will grow up and then uninvite her to his wedding.
Their goal was to crush my heart and mission accomplished.
This is such an important time in your life and I wish I was there to celebrate it with him. To wish him a happy marriage. I'm left with who will stand in my place Saturday?  I guess all along I really didn't have the place I thought in his heart as he had in mine.

I wish for all readers of this blog to never, ever have to go through this with your children. I've cried more in the past month and especially in the past week than I have probably since my first son died. It's just a heart pain that I know will get better but right now I just can't (as someone explained to me this past week) "fake happy" when my heart is broken.
I've kinda got stitchers block right now and I guess I just can't sit still because it hurts more to sit still right now and know my place was so easily taken after all the years of making that first priority.

I share this with you to let you know as friends, this is probably not so much of a 'stitchytime" for me right now. I have either been running constantly or sitting and staring and crying.
I know I have a husband who loves me and supports me and I have Abbie, but nobdy could take the place of my kids. I just wish they thought the same way too.
And as always, as mamas know and say to their kids, "I'm still always here if you ever need me".
I guess for this milestone, I will write, The End.

Nesting this week

This week went by so fast-- I can't tell you how fast for me. Every day was full of adventures. If you read back a few posts, on my day adventure where I encountered a beautiful peacock walking down the road......I had passed through a city with Hobby Lobby.......a New large Hobby Lobby!  I got lost in it and think hubbie met back with me about 3 times before I finally pulled myself out of there. I got lost in the beads and charm section for 1 hour. Then lost myself in the framing dept for 1 hour.
And when you live in the boonies, it's like candy in a candystore.

Hobby Lobby has some good frames and then again, some knicked up so you have to really watch what ya get. But at half price for open back frames, it's a deal hard to find.

Here are the beauties waiting for samplers:

and then this one was a bargain indeed. It was half of half of half.

for this:

Then this one:

an 8 x 10

and then my findings yesterday at a thrift store for 1.00...yep 1.00

2 wooden ovals, no nicks, or scratches. There was one messed up glass and I tossed that out.

the back

And got this little one to put something in for a keychain this week:

I was hoping a small one over one monogram but we'll see.

I have a propensity for lockets to wear and this one has always been dear to me. Had it for 20 years. Open it many times.

Oh, how I wouldn't give this up for anything in the world!

Hope you are having a great Mother's Day!

I am busy with redecorating an upstairs bedroom and making room on the basement office for a wooden bookcase I got yesterday for my many, many books. I have the perfect spot for it already, just got to make a path to move it there!!! LOL  There is no telling what I'll run into in boxes as I'm cleaning out and making room.....I guess a bit of nesting today.

Proud Mom moment

Nothing keeps a mother's love from ever ending. Life lesson.

And nothing makes a mom more proud than this service I attended at Fort Stewart, Georgia, 7 hour drive away from home.

We just arrived home and oh, so tired, but a good tired because I know Brandon is safe on US soil!

The anticipation started at 10pm on the field. There were some delays, but that was fine by me because when they announced when the plane touched Hunter field, I cried and thanked the Lord Brandon was safe and finished with his tour this year. The troops arrived at 3:45 AM and as they approached from behind to the front in the night in formation on the field, then we sang the National Athem, saluted and then met up with them.

Sadly many soldiers parted ways to the side and didn't have any family support. I can't even imagine that.

Here are a few pics. I took several but as I have been using my new camera for mostly stitching photos and around the house my night time photo shooting was a little blurry (because of pure adrenaline excitement and my lack of experience with night shooting mode).

Because I have through this year shared with thousands of friends by email from all over the world, and I so appreciate your love,  anticipation and support, I will share these pics.

We had VIP parking. Couldn't have asked for better! We waited for almost six hours in anticipation.

Both tired, exhausted and happy, proud, relieved, and totally awesome, we were so happy for this moment!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. Meghan I love your glasses, they are so cute! 

We had a great trip and I ate 2 large buffet meals on stops back up to the mountains!  I forgot that food tasted so good!!!

The soldiers then had a day off today and then 7 more days of debriefing there before they would return to their home base.
Brandon, we love you and are proud for your service to the USA!

Being the passenger of the 24 hour adrenaline rush of a 15 hour drive, I worked on This Too Shall Pass by  My Big Toe Designs and made a little progress!

As eyes are now weary for good rest, I hope you too have had a good Wed and Thursday.

I will draw a name for the Heart of America used chart tomorrow, probably after a 15 hour sleep period!  LOL

Till later,

Jennifer