Saturday, May 15, 2010

Kitting up Abigail sampler

Abbie is warming where BG was sitting. She likes to sit in his chair next to me and watch me stitch until she lays her head down to sleep for a few minutes.

She gets almost asleep.....and then.....

She wonders "Really, a sampler with MY name on it?"

Oh, she is just trying to keep me company while I am stitching on a sampler and
kitting a sampler, which has her name in it, Abigail.
Heartstring Samplery

Yep, it's kitted now with floss and fabric in the Needlework Stand  and ready for that mojo to come back.

But, in between running up and down the stairs I have worked on this

and about to get to the heart motif which reminds me of this:

 the sweetest companion and unconditional love.

When Life gives you a ragged blanket make scissorkeeps

yep, in the middle of cleaning and clearing and donating to charity, I had this blanket that had come apart in many, many places and really I couldn't fix it. The batting was sticking out. So, instead I cut it up and found the pieces I wanted to make out of pillows. This one I used a scrap of  Raspberry Jobelan on the exterior to make a pocket with old mother of pearl buttons and pin to house my scissors in my stitching chair upstairs.
This is one sure way of not losing a pair of scissors...I think.

The pink backing fabric I chose.

A little side tracked from organizing today.  It's storming here and we have lost electricity once so we are crossing our fingers it doesn't happen again  XX

Edited:  In looking back over the day, I think I was just trying to patch a broken heart.

While cleaning upstairs......Miss Abbie lounges in a .....

I've been upstairs cleaning and re-nesting.

And so has a suitcase. : O

When I came downstairs, which also needs attention, I found Miss Abbie my suitcase which I had a few things leftover to unpack . I know that's a long time, but the month has been a constant go and I intended to finish it today.

One time we found her on top of a zipped up suitcase, like it was her bed.
But now, she prefers to suggest a trip maybe?  her aloneness is pitiful while I'm upstairs. I have not taken her up there for fear she will want to learn to climb all 15 stairs which are steep and that would be unsafe.

So, I had to snap a pic of her lounging here in my suitcase while I took a double take as I came down the stairs. She wants to make sure she goes on the next trip. And she will, in the car to Chicago!

Found the fat quarter and will make into a pillow

Found this fat quarter at a local quilt store thrown into a 1.25 bin and immediately my mind went to working on what to do with it. The middle part is folded but has a trim in between. I think I'm going to make this a long pillow with some interesting buttons for the bedroom I'm working on or put it on my front porch wicker swing. I'm sure Thomas would love a new pillow to lay his head on during his afternoon naps.
I just loved it's folk-artsy flare. 
Each of the scenes are different but flow well together.

ok, I must get off the computer now and get busy!

A New Day

Thank you for your prayers and thoughts sent our way. I feel peace this morning and energy to move on now. I slept better last night and quite long at that too. I have many things to start on this morning, projects that me and hubbie were planning. I am in the middle of redecorating an upstairs bedroom and it's so far looking good with just a few simple changes such as the new window shades and pillows to match from Country Curtains. A simple solid cotton blanket and new sheets and rearranging the furniture. I seem to rearrange furniture when under stress or is that  woman thing? I guess it 's like re-nesting.
And guess what? With the Dutchy theme and folklore, you know there will be a sampler wall somewhere in that room!

Here's is a swatch of the rollup heavy cloth blinds for the two windows:

This is from the actual website itself. When I finish the room, I'll put a couple of pics of it.
Bodyguard is going to make some plain wood cornice boards to top the windows, which I love and my friend Dot has in her house. I think they will make a perfect spot for small samplers, pillowkeeps, etc.
I know the pattern looks pretty "busy" but the rest of the room will be mostly neutral.

I already have a few stitchy pieces in that room but now that the decor is a little different  and because the sampler would look lovely in this room, I ordered Open Windows by The Sampler Girl to stitch because it will fit so good in there. This  pic is from her webshop and scoot over there to see her other new designs here

I can't sit still today, or otherwise I would be stitching and finishing up Letters to Anne sampler. So, along with playing with Miss Abbie and continueing to tweak and finish the upstairs bedroom, I think I have plenty to keep my mind busy today.

I hope you have a great Saturday. Here the weather is quite humid and warm. I can tell summer is starting now. You just never know when a shower will pop up here now.
Till later,

Thursday, May 13, 2010

The milestones we miss

I don't know where to start. All I can say is that I've busied myself with decorating and redecorating and working and reading and not allowing myself to think so much of the pain in my heart. I'm totally not writing this for a pity party. And I know that many will say  "This Too Will Pass" and it's just right now it's hurting so bad inside. My heart is broken and I guess I allowed it to happen so it's part my fault.

I never knew there would be a day when my son got married and I wouldn't be there with him, just to see that last milestone every mama wants to see. Maybe if I died or had a terminal illness but I never ever thought he would reject me at his wedding.

I have prayed and prayed about this situation for well over a year and without confiding some details that only God brought to light about a month ago and to respect my son's integrity I won't explain that part.
I only know that this week one day I had a little time to go over to the bookstore and while I was browsing through the books searching for something of encouragement, I heard playing over the intercom a CD by Randy Travis. It was a gospel song and I actually didn't know he sang gospel music. I heard it playing a song called "Angels". I had never heard of it before and I'm pretty up on music as I listen all the time and play the piano sometimes while I'm by myself.

As the lyrics were about angels (and I'm a collector of angels) I listened closer and then I realized what the words were saying and it was like my Guardian angel was singing it to me. I bought the CD called Three Wooden Crosses and for a nearly a week I've been listening to the CD, all 20 songs, back and forth to work and especially number 3 on it, called Angels. It's a very moving song and I hope you can hear it one day. It's about mothers, not as angels with halos or white wings but just plain people who protected their kids and bore pain to bring into the world a child thats loved the moment they put his little body on your stomach. I have all their recorded milestones on simple paper and have their baby clothes saved away, how much they weighed and when they started walking and talking, first words, lost teeth, times I took him to the hospital alot because he was sick alot before the age of 5.

I even started an IV on his little bitty right foot in an emergency in a small county hospital at 3am with a doctor that looked at me and told me I had too. I was the only nurse there that could do it on the night shift that night. His feet were tiny and he was dehydrated with fever and had seizures and the other nurses couldn't get the vein. I said I couldn't do it because I just couldn't stick my kid with a needle.
 Dr Griffin looked at me and said you've got too to save his life. So, me and Dr. Griffin took him to the 2 bed ICU unit and I was so tired but  you just numb out and when your kid is hurting or near death you go to work. I got it in and started fluids and he got better. Thank goodness I didn't work there but about a year later and now they have a bigger hospital and better staffing situation.

 I thought about the time he almost drowned in a pool in Columbia, South Carolina on an overnight trip I took both the kids by myself to visit the zoo. he was only about 9 then.  The ambulance had to be called as he was on the bottom of the pool and an angel, a teacher, dove in the water and pulled him out and I remember running around crying and thinking he would be dead but when he finally came to and coughed the water out he told the EMT's in a rough voice, "Don't worry, my mama always gets this way when I get hurt". The EMT's kinda laughed and that broke all the worry and tension and I stayed up watching him breathe all night by myself, with his sister by him alseep too after that in a dark hotel room. Then morning we went home.

I remember when he was 13 years old, we went up in a 4 seated airplane and we rode in back, holding hands because we both were scared of heights. He just looked at me with his big brown eyes and said over the loud engine "Don't worry, mama, if we fall, I'll catch you, I promise." Boy, he had an imagination because we were waayyy up there. But he kept holding my hand tighter and I knew he just loved me as I did him.

I remember when we flew to Arizona and I finally got my graduate degree, he and Meghan sat over beside us on the plane and it was her first flight and sick she got! But Brandon, he leaned over and looked at me and put his thumbs up in the air when we lifted off the ground. I have a picture of that. BG and I just laughed. He, from day one, made me laugh and cry, but mostly laugh.  I suppose if I tried I could recall quite a bit of stressful times and times that were trying but as mamas I think God made us that way to remember the good parts the most.

I'm no perfect person at all and I sure know I'm not an angel but I know I was a good mama. I'm sure there are better mamas who buy better, new cars for their kids instead of used ones, and pay all their college instead of part, and I'm sure there are parents who spend more time maybe than I did during those teenage years when they just want to go to their room and listen music or text their friends. I'm sure there are mams that didn't have PTSD either. And maybe I shouldn't have been so protective about him not going to join the army but I reacted out of love because I didn't want him to get hurt.

I've maybe'd if'd for a year now since he wrote me a horrible note that broke my heart before he left for Afghanistan. I did not understand at all what promoted that anger but I guess it's hard for mamas to admit their kids don't love them anymore. It's unimaginative. I even thought at a very low point last year that Meghan and Brandon would be better off if I had died years ago and they had a better mama. I don't know.

I don't know what the total rejection thing is about and even though it was painful at Fort Stewart to ask for a hug twice and get denied like I was just a plain stranger I wanted him to know I still loved him no matter what.

Am I angry? no, I'm very hurt and it's really deep. If their intentions were to hurt me, I just ask to please stop, it worked. My heart is in a million pieces right now.
Will it stop my life? No, I have other parts of my life like being a nurse practitioner and wife as best I can through all this.
Did it hurt my own parents? Yes, and it's something that I've had to be in the middle of for quite some time now. I have learned that I can't set their boundaries for them and save the world and that part, I let go.
Do I look back and wish I never had kids? No.
Why?  Because I never knew what real love was until I had children.
It's made me who I am today and this past year has challenged me to what my purpose really is here on this earth. It's helped me to relearn some things I had  many years ago in an abusive relationship called boundaries. It also drew me back to my faith which I had lost through some years of time. It's also made me realize that we should respect our parents more and the experience has put my own father in deepened thoughts in recent months and forgiveness and the words "I love you" which were never spoken between us are now spoken.
The hardest part is not the forgiving but forgetting.
I do know in time they will understand that their future will become one day their past and maybe, just maybe he will understand a little bit of the kind of love a mother has for her son when he sees his first, and feeds him, carries him to school, goes through rough teen years and then the cycle will go on.

Is my heart completely broken right now? yes and I didn't know it would hurt so much to be rejected by children you loved so long and so hard.
I think in every woman, there's always a little girl somewhere and she never dreams that her son will grow up and then uninvite her to his wedding.
Their goal was to crush my heart and mission accomplished.
This is such an important time in your life and I wish I was there to celebrate it with him. To wish him a happy marriage. I'm left with who will stand in my place Saturday?  I guess all along I really didn't have the place I thought in his heart as he had in mine.

I wish for all readers of this blog to never, ever have to go through this with your children. I've cried more in the past month and especially in the past week than I have probably since my first son died. It's just a heart pain that I know will get better but right now I just can't (as someone explained to me this past week) "fake happy" when my heart is broken.
I've kinda got stitchers block right now and I guess I just can't sit still because it hurts more to sit still right now and know my place was so easily taken after all the years of making that first priority.

I share this with you to let you know as friends, this is probably not so much of a 'stitchytime" for me right now. I have either been running constantly or sitting and staring and crying.
I know I have a husband who loves me and supports me and I have Abbie, but nobdy could take the place of my kids. I just wish they thought the same way too.
And as always, as mamas know and say to their kids, "I'm still always here if you ever need me".
I guess for this milestone, I will write, The End.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Today I~~~

counted my blessings to and from work

saw the rain and then the sunshine which brightened the day even if it was looking out the window

worked long and hard trying to fix.......

wished cell phones were banned due to less accidents and just plain courtesy

cut fabric pieces for future projects and the Shoppe

got an email from some strange person in Kenya who said they wanted to run away from their wicked stepmom and they would pay me 9 million dollars to take way....empty nest is great.

saw a Wolf spider on the back porch within 1 foot of my foot and screamed yelled--Body Guard knew it was a spider......he can tell that kind of call.

decided that poo paper cleaning is my next hobby, unfortunately

got my mailing out ready and then ran out of tape to tape the packages--Why does that always happen?

longed for even 15 minutes of stitching time but no time today or yesterday, I'm in withdrawals now--is there an AA for stitchers?

met our new neighbors on a pet stroll with Miss Abbie again--they don't understand why I don't have the energy to go on yard sale excursions on Sat mornings at 7am

watched Abbie get vicious with people trying to poke and play with her and so embarrassed

considered calling the Dog Whisperer from TV to fix my dogs with personality disorders, as if I could!

ate Ramen noodles for supper on the run and now craving something sweet

felt the urge to go into Walmart but relented, thank goodness

saw the face of a young woman who had been hurt badly and it broke my heart too

drove to work without getting a speeding ticket

watched my hubbie eat chuncky soup with sausage and about gagged

cleaned out the refrigerator and hoped Mr or Mrs. Bear does not like leftover ham salad

wished to be Samantha on Bewitched and wiggle my nose to get the house clean--I would be wiggling alot

looked forever for Mansfield Park sampler pattern that I know I have deep in my stash......didn't find it yet

wondered if I ever would sleep 8 hours regularly again

read about boundaries and learned alot........again.

wondered why I love fabric so much but can't get the courage to quilt

Was told by someone every day this week, "You look tired"

I am tired. But the weekend is almost here. Thank goodness!

Do you have weeks like this?

I hope to get a numb butt this weekend and do nothing but stitch to make up for this week.

Ready for some shopping?

I've added some new ribbons, trimmings, and a used pattern for you look-see at the Shoppe.
Just click on Nest Feathers Shoppe at the right column icon and it will take you right into the shop.
I will be puttting some fat quarters as well as more used patterns as I can.
Just sharing the love!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

It gave us a first

But I prefer older men like Chief Henry!  LOL

I received this wonderful email from someone this week and first laughed at it and then forwarded it to law enforcement. This was not in my spam mail so I opened it and it was traced back to Russia.  I blanked out the name and email for privacy reasons.  There are still some strange people out there.

Hello my love,

My name is _~~~~~~~~________,i come across and read through your profile today and i became interested in you,i will also like to know you the more,and i want you to send an e-mail to my e-mail address so i can give you my picture for you to know whom i am and for the both of us to know each other very well and better in life,and we can achieve it in future because ture love and feeling means alot in future.Here is my private e-mail address you can contact me with it.I am waiting for your mail to my e-mail address above and aslo, Remember the distance or colour does not matter but love,feeling,e-motions and sympathetic love matters alot in life.

Thanks,and i promise to be honest and to keep a very good relationship with you.

Oh, how life brings us funny things to keep us laughing..........
Here's hoping you have a great mide-week, fun kinda-day tomorrow....

Around the house......

Here's Abbie first thing in the morning. She does her own housekeeping. She has already pottied and rolled it up from the other end of her kennel and put it in the bed for housekeeping to pick up!  Thanks, Abbie.

Ren is happy with his grits and eggs for supper. He has several twister positions during his meals. LOL
It's really not too funny because he is getting old but he still enjoys eating and then he curls up and sleeps.
He definitely has his hair all loved off at this point.

The very first rose from our rose garden. BG put it in a bud vase and gave it to me on Mother's Day.

I put it in the kitchen window.
As you can see it's a dreary, rainy, cool day here in North Georgia.

Supper is done and now for some reading and stitching.
Hope your day went well too.

Some call it lunchtime.......

Most people carry bags for lunch.....Me?

I carry one of several ---and I mean several---size bags,
 but with this instead:

Let me pull out what I stitched so far on The Letter to Anne, by the Sampler Girl, inspired from the Jane Austen novel Persuasian.

Yesterday, one of our lovely medical students who are always so nice and leave gifts to us, left us all these which I do not know the name, or how to make but I will be looking. She had them all wrapped in 3's in green cellophane and I ate one of mine then and well, this morning, another. They taste like cheesecake on top of an oreo......

That's the bottom and juicy it is. Quite rich but for breakfast a nice treat.
Well, no poptarts this morning.

And when I got home yesterday from work, I slept until this morning at 8:30am so I must be worn out I would say. I think I briefly remember BG bringing me a beef pot pie while I raised my head on the sofa, otherwise, that was it. So no stitching time last night.

And looking out at the cloudy rainy day ....and cold, I think I will just cover up my head and go back to bed again.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

From old to new

Today I decided to take an old piece of linen I found thrown in a pile of stuff and make it into a pillow. When I saw it for little of nothing I knew it was begging to be made into a pillow for our downstairs bedroom with the teal tulip quilt and brown.

And sure enough my Crayola mind went to working and I sewed this into a pillow and thought it unique to add some of the buttons I brought back from Boston in the corners.
It now graces the bed and adds a special touch.

Here's how it turned out today.

Whoever stitched this piece, I love the colors and the borders are intricate.

I had this fabric in my stash and sewed it right on the back.

I sewed on the cameo buttons with the brown background.

I love it now right in the middle of the bed......where I rest my head.......LOL

Isn't it fun to take something that someone evidently took a long time to stitch and really appreciate the value of old linen and time. I wish I could send a thank you note to the stitcher probably from many,many years ago.

Just a quick stop to say who won the Gingher scissors........

The random computer generator picked Stephanie (Joie de Bayou)  for the winner of the Elena retired Gingher scissors, 5 in.
I read her entry and she says this is her first pair of Ginghers!  How exciting....and addicting!  congratulations and I'll email you for a mailing address to send out some time this week.

The joy is in the giving.........hope you love these as much as I have loved my Ginghers in other patterns.

And to all you participated and take time out of their day to read my blog, thank you.

Nesting this week

This week went by so fast-- I can't tell you how fast for me. Every day was full of adventures. If you read back a few posts, on my day adventure where I encountered a beautiful peacock walking down the road......I had passed through a city with Hobby Lobby.......a New large Hobby Lobby!  I got lost in it and think hubbie met back with me about 3 times before I finally pulled myself out of there. I got lost in the beads and charm section for 1 hour. Then lost myself in the framing dept for 1 hour.
And when you live in the boonies, it's like candy in a candystore.

Hobby Lobby has some good frames and then again, some knicked up so you have to really watch what ya get. But at half price for open back frames, it's a deal hard to find.

Here are the beauties waiting for samplers:

and then this one was a bargain indeed. It was half of half of half.

for this:

Then this one:

an 8 x 10

and then my findings yesterday at a thrift store for 1.00...yep 1.00

2 wooden ovals, no nicks, or scratches. There was one messed up glass and I tossed that out.

the back

And got this little one to put something in for a keychain this week:

I was hoping a small one over one monogram but we'll see.

I have a propensity for lockets to wear and this one has always been dear to me. Had it for 20 years. Open it many times.

Oh, how I wouldn't give this up for anything in the world!

Hope you are having a great Mother's Day!

I am busy with redecorating an upstairs bedroom and making room on the basement office for a wooden bookcase I got yesterday for my many, many books. I have the perfect spot for it already, just got to make a path to move it there!!! LOL  There is no telling what I'll run into in boxes as I'm cleaning out and making room.....I guess a bit of nesting today.