Sunday, November 1, 2009

Domestic Violence Awareness Month--October

I did not mention last month but wanted to let you know that one of the GOOD things Barak Obama did was to declare October Domestic Violence Awareness month, again. I think this had already been raised in the past and he is reaafirming it.

You can read it from the White House here:

It's one thing to raise awareness, and another to make it go away. Violence has been here since the beginning of time and the perpetrators have refined their techniques in the power and control cycle. It's all about power and control.
The power and control wheel is very informative. Alot of people display amazement at how a thing could happen in their relationship, or if it does how did they get there? Well, this wheel will explain to you what are some usual things characteristic of an abusive relationship.
I've been there personally many years ago. I was beat, slapped, spit on, shoved, pushed down stairs, held down in a tub of water until I almost drowned, feared my perp would burn our house down, and watched him hurt my kids. This is just starters. I've also been a women's advocate for many years, wrote a grant for one DV center 10 years ago, and participated in ceremonies in October for Domestic Violence. I donate to shelters. I donate all my cell phones to shelters. I believe in community. See, no one is immune from domestic violence. When it does happen, you need support from lawyers, counselors, and medical personel. Friends and family unfortunately are usually not helpful. They "don't want to get in the middle of it".
Statistics show that it takes a woman 7 times to leave before she leaves permanently because she is drawn into the relationship with her own part. Usually, it's learned helplessness. This frustrates cops to no end.
That's why you raise your daughters to be strong, independent, not rude or power queens but just strong, feminine, independent women. That's why you stand up with your sons and let them know at an early age that beating a woman is not normal. That's why if you are in one of these relationships and you say you are staying for your children's sake that you seek a shelter and counseling because even if you act like everything is normal (and it's not normal to be abused, emotionally or physically) your children will be, if they haven't already been abused. Stats show 50% of male abusers will eventually, if not already, abuse their children.
Children need role models. Not perfect parents, just parents who care if they get spit on, slapped, beat with baseball bats, get mind-warped about stuff. They need someone to stand up for them. This sounds like no-brainers but I'm here to tell you that there are folks who deny these things.
I'm glad that our President is continuing and reaffirming awareness that DV needs to be given attention. It is a national public health problem.
Stats show 1 of 4 women will or have been abused in their lifetime. That's across states, races, financial status, everywhere. These do not matter.
Think of that 1 of 4.
Also, abuse doesn't have to be physical. Emotional abuse usually accompanies physical abuse and the results are for a lifetime. Post traumatic Stress Disorder is a reality as much as war survivors. And if your core family doesn't realize the participation they had in creating such, then they won't understand you.
PTSD destroys relationships, jobs, and eventually if no coping skills are in place, destroys yourself. Luckily in this day and time, medications help. Counseling helps, medical, professional counseling and those of us who are lucky to find someone who understands PTSD are blessed, extremely blessed.
And for the record, when I speak of women in abuse, it's not because men aren't abused. It's because 99% are female. I am not trying to exclude gender here.
So, if you see purple ribbons near your courthouse, it's probably for the victims and survivors of domestic violence.
As a survivor, I know firsthand, what ropes you have to go through to get away from it.
It's a very hard situation and it's one of my goals in life to keep awareness and support those that need supporting in this situation.
Domestic violence is such a topic to me of importance that I will donate most of all my needlework to a particular shelter if I die. I've already discussed this with hubbie and he knows. I want each woman going to a shelter to have a piece of truth to hang onto in such an awful time in life.
Every woman should know they are more valuable than what their perpetrator has been telling them. You know, every time, I turn on the TV, I hear of perps who kill their wives or children. It's a real thing and it can happen in your community or to you.
So, this morning I wanted you to know that I didn't forget that October was also Domestic Violence Awareness month. The best thing you can do if a friend tells you about an abusive situation is to not ask her what did she did to cause it. Please, get her to a shelter where they have trained staff to handle it. You can still be her friend and pray for her.
And if you know you are in this relationship and "staying for the children's sake" I beg you to think again.

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for sharing! You brought back some memories for me. I was once involved in helping a friend and her two small sons in leaving an abusive husband. I have long since lost touch with them as they had to leave the area they were living in - however, I do still think of them often and wonder/hope that her example helped her sons to grow into strong, responsible men.


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