Saturday, February 13, 2010

I'm Ready for Spring


Literally and metaphorically, I'm ready for Spring.


I'm ready for a time in life when I'm good enough as I am and not a burden.


I'm ready for something more than just being.


I'm ready for being surrounded by people who are real. Flowers are nice but when the words that go with it are the opposite, what's the point? Most things I want in life are absolutely free but their not important to the most important people.


A new beginning, with the same me, because I know I'm a good person as I am. Not a perfect person but a real human being. I don't like to be reminded that I attach memories to certain things. I wish I didn't, but I've come to accept my disability.


I'm ready for physical interaction with people who think I'm worth their time in person.


I'm ready for the snow to go away and I used to love snow.


I'm ready for all the faults I have that seem to be major to others, to be just caveats of who I am and are not pointed out to me as severe flaws.

To be accepted by the ones we love is the most important thing in the world.

To not be is the most painful thing in the world.


I know life is what we make it but there are situations that occur and circumstances that create an environment where life is just a process not an enjoyable event. I don't believe we can make everything. We don't create deaths, we don't create lay-offs, we don't creat trajedies. Yes, we could all respond to them in a better way, that's the only part we can change. But's its aweful hard to respond in a way with no support system at all. For we are human, and we don't need reminding that our very existance is a burden.


I've never been accepted by my family, including my close friends and husband. To them, I'm just a nuissance and a dread. I know that, and they know that, and it's something I've come over the years kicking and screaming, but learning to accept.

It's surprising to me everytime I see that they have read my blog. It's usually a shocker as in person they really don't like to listen to anything I have to say. It's an irony that I'll never understand. It's a reason I've considered using the private blogging only feature on Blogger.


I've read several blogs in the past few weeks that are folks in the same situation in their own homes that I am so I know this is not rare. This is what stimulated my thoughts this morning to be expressed.


I know, as alot of other stitchers do, that part of our art is creating something worthwhile with our own hands, that counteracts all the negativity that continually is brought on through all directions. We create when happy, when sad, in good times and bad and it's the good part of life that balances all the bad. It's a time when we make choices.A time when we can make choices. The choices may be silly to most other non-artistic folks, but even its a choice of a red or green, or a certain linen, or ribbon, or fabric selections, it's a choice and that's something that is priceless.

Hold on to that thought today. I know I will. No one can take that part away. But sometimes, they come close to taking it away with self-confidence.

They can try to take away my personality, my pride, my memories, and make fun of my faults and the situations that created them, even blame me for each and everything,
but the love of needle art will always be in my heart.
Here's hoping that this weekend you are surrounded with love and people who are real. Real in a good way, people who love you and like human touch in relationships, and accept you for the special person you are.
Stuck in snow unfortunately,
Jennifer

7 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing!

    Happy Valentine's Day!

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  2. Just sending you a hug and a smile. Wish I could do or say something to cheer you up. :)

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  3. Hi Jennifer, I wish I had a magic wand that would make everything right for you, but life isn't like that is it? I'm so glad you've made up your mind to be kinder to yourself, but I'd still like to be able to fly across the 'pond' and give you a big hug. Blessings from your English friend, Lesley

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  4. Hi Jennifer, I'm so sorry about how you are feeling. I think we both have some problems in common. I wish I could just fly across the 'pond' to give you a big hug.
    Blessings Lesley

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  5. Jennifer, it's me again. Just remember that we all have faults, I have done some things in my life that I wish I could undo, and I've said things that I'm deeply ashamed of. But we can't change what is in the past, but we can change the future. I will be lighting an 'healing' candle for you. Blessings Lesley

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  6. Hugs and hugs from SC. Everyone does have issues. I also wish I had never done some of the things I have. never said some of the things I said. I don't know of anyone who has a perfect life. I would like to know things ie: why this happens to that person and not to that one. Do we have a magnetic field that draws 'bad' to us? I don't really think so. I would be proud to 'listen' whenever you need to 'speak'

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  7. Jennifer, I just found your blog again, I think I've read your posts before but lost track somehow..anyway, this post you wrote sounds exactly like how I've been feeling lately...word for word! It breaks my heart when I see from my stats that people I know in real life are reading my blog and yet, they can't find the time in their day to send me an email or want to get together for coffee or just to sit together. I think, it is because I am a bad person? Cause I really do try and be a good friend and am there to listen, etc. But then these people will read and not even leave me a comment, but I hear from other people I've never even met in real life! What is the deal?
    Anyway, I've had the same thoughts as you, about going to a private blog, but not sure what to do. It's frustrating.
    Not sure if it helps you at all, but I just wanted you to know you're not alone in how you feel and someone out there can relate to what you're saying here.
    Hugs,

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Comments are welcome at the homestead at any time! I appreciate your time out of your day to stop and say hello!!
We love to hear from you and yours any time and cherish the time you take to be with us here. I hope you have a GREAT week!
Jennifer

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