Friday, September 25, 2009

Pandora's Box and Letting Go

Have you ever heard of Pandora's Box? Well, this is Meghan's box.
I'm very sentimental.

This is my chair with Brandon's old velveteen rabbit and blanket. The table and chairs were also mine. They need painting or resanding. I just got them back last year myself. I've got a matching 2cup teaset from my china in the dining room.

I embroidered her name on all her t-shirts at the hospital.

Letting go is hard. Here are some things I put together in a box when Meghan was born that I'm not ready to let go and they will be tucked back into my chest in my family room where the rest of my very special children's stuff is tucked away. I bring them out for only a day sometimes and it's been a long time since I opened this box. I remember I showed all this to her last year, with a friend over too. They thought it was neat. I never knew she would grow up so fast.

This was her first teddy bear, with wind up music box in it. I wound it every night for her when she went to bed. A couple of her first booties. We had to buy doll clothes because she was a preemie, 27 weeks. 2 lbs 15 oz

This is the room in chaos, alot of boxes filled.

I put their pictures in this room now.

Such a mess now, but will be better by in the morning.

Back to the things I am not ready to give away. Things I'll keep forever. This is what I have in her box. 2 preemie Tshirts, I engraved her name on them and would take them to the NICU for her to wear. The tiny, tiny pink hats were from the hospital when she was 3 lbs. Still have her ultrasound pics, the doll I got at the gift shop after she was born. She has a broke foot now but still looks the same. Her preemie diaper. Preemie bottle. And someone crocheted this rattler.

There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world; it’s the beginning of a new life.
unattributed, author unknown

Easier said ........than done. I will go now and pack them carefully in their box and tuck away for a rainy day or a day when I feel again that I didn't make any difference in her life. That she could have done better than me. But, this reminds me of how intricate I did the best I could and took care of her so that she grew up to be a healthy adult. I know one day when she has her own and starts her own Pandora Box, she will have these same feelings in many many years but it's in the between time that's the worst. Because you just never know if they ever really cared for all the things you did to protect them, nurture them, help them grow up to be self-sufficient adults.
But I will let go, not meaning that I am uncaring, but that have to let her experience her own self.


  1. Beautiful post and understandable.

    I don't even have words to say. I'm looking at my future.

    My daughter's baby book was burned up in a fire but I still have some things to remind me of the time when I was everything to her.

  2. Hugs :)

    I like to think that we have more of an impact on our children than is visible to the naked eye, and the pure fact that they arise each morning with the faith to walk thru each day is proof, you did great, they just forget to tell us :)

    You are not alone, friend, we all have those days and those same feelings....labor was the easy part :)

  3. Oh, Parsley how terrible! So sorry to hear about that! :(

    Karyn, you are so right, dear! I love that phrase. Labor was the easy part. Even though it was painful there are so many other painful parts of parenting.
    Most of my coworkers have little children and I think to myself of course, man, they don't know what stress is if they are telling everybody how stressful it is buying formula and diapers and that first day of school and so forth. It's those teen years, that turn into like, who are these people? Are they my children??? LOL
    I thought it was sweet that she asked if I was going to church in the morning because they were thinking about it. So, I will have to make sure through wind and rain, I go tomorrow morning. I think she misses Helen a little more than she thought.


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