Wednesday, December 16, 2009

I wish I was about 5 again

I wish I was about 5 years old again. Then, I believed in a real Santa. I didn't know any better. I just knew that that was the best time of year. We got cool things in our homemade stockings like oranges and peppermint sticks. I colored Santa Clause about 50 times before Christmas. Crayola was my best friend. I colored his face and put cotton balls for his beard. I snuggled up close to my brother with matching pajamas and got a picture in front of our wilted looking, thin tree but I didn't care at the time and I felt like that feeling would never end. It did.

Santa always left tinsel hanging off the roof and ate half my cookies I left out for him. He even would leave tinsel in the refrigerator when he got more milk to drink. He would also leave a little tinsel by my bed so that I knew he watched me to make sure I was asleep before he put my toys under the tree.
I think at 5 I finally got my Easy-bake oven I wanted but we were't allowed to turn it on because it used a light bulb but it was alot of fun pretending to cook. Now, I'm too tired to cook. Now, there are alot of things after the age of 5 that was not pleasant so I will digress at that but the age of about 5 was fun. The most stress I had was kindergarten and trying not to talk too much or play with my crayons when I wasn't supposed to be. I was nominated to dress as a snowflake in my kindergarten class and I wore a huge white showflake headdress homemade and flittererd across the stage with no cares. LOL

After days like today, I would like to be 5 again. Just a simple time when people are not quite so complicated and the strain of daily life takes it toll and swipes out any Christmas cheer.
I feel like I'm going at full speed ahead and quite frankly I'm as they say "over it" after today.
I went to bed finally around 1am this morning. Woke up to hear that it was 5am and BG had to leave work early. Didn't go back to sleep. Got stopped by a state patrol for speeding on the way to work and I was already running behind so he took his sweet time in the back, hiking up his pants and chewing me a new one for speeding. Called my hubbie and that was a mistake because he agrees with the cop that I drove too fast. And believe me, cops have an attitude always when they stop you. They think they are immortal and can talk any kind of way to you.

I finally get to work. I never made up the pace all day. It's a crazy way to live. Solving problems every 15 minutes under the pressure of our changing medical atmosphere of insurance who really are the ones determining patient care regardless of what we recommend. And folks, that is a scarey thing.

By the time I got off, I had to go to the older small local mall which is pretty doggone scarey on a dark night alone and get what I could to finish Christmas shopping. It was getting crazy too. So, then I shopped more than I should have just for the sheer adrenaline of something fun to do.
I went to Bath and Body Works......mistake. Victoria's Secret. Another mistake. And while I was picking out a few items of necessity, a nice gentlemen started up a conversation to me about helping him pick out his wife's panties and that was it for me. I was out of there. Why is it that men decide to ask someone can be a total stranger.....about something so personal?
I can just see me walking over to a guy asking him if he likes briefs or boxers and I go on to tell him how I really like one over the other and what size my husband wears and such.......And by the conversation and body language and his comments, I think he finally got his wife some underwear he could have gone to Walmart to get......but that's a whole different thing.
I did pass all shoe stores. Mark this date on your calender. I resisted the temptation to get a pair or two of shoes.
But, I couldn't pass up some good deals on sweaters and scarfs. There were some really good sales on beautiful colored sweats and scarfs.

At 9pm after driving the slowest I have in years home, I'm completely and utterly exhausted only to start the rat race again tonight and tomorrow.
It's hard to shut off the medical mode and when family or friends ask me for advice and I give it to them, they just ignore it, call it crazy and pay to go see someone else. That makes me feel pretty doggone stupid. So, where does the rat race end?
Isn't there just a point where it's too much? I think it is for me. I definitely have to make some serious changes by the first of the year somewhere to keep up the pace.
I need about 3 weeks somewhere snowed in a small cabin with extra food and heat and some books and stitching projects only. No TV. No news. Nothing. Well, maybe my laptop so I could keep writing and have 1-800 numbers available in case of emergencies; otherwise, complete silence. That may sound crazy but that's how I feel tonight and sadly it's how I feel alot of nights.
I see so many people in the same boat these days. Jobs are cut, then the people left behind have to do the work of 3 people or more. It's just plain crazy now. It's a cycle. People feel stressed, get sick, feel unappreciated, get more sick, on and on and if there is one thing Obama could do for our country in the medical reform is to in some way reduce the burden of stress on the general population. Because I"m a believer that stress can do some awful things to our bodies and minds.

I want to go back to 5 years old at Christmas and stay there. At least at 5, I could sleep 10 hours with no problem and recharge.

Oh, so how was your day today? ;)


  1. I'm so sorry to hear you had a bad day and a speeding ticket to boot! To be honest, your secluded cabin idea sounds like heaven and I'd love to be tucked away somewhere for a good month. I have a lot of down days about the rat race...I left the city to get out of it but it follows you everywhere. Hang in there...have a glass of wine...some cuddle time with the puppies and get a stitch in or two. *hugs*

  2. Jennifer, I know just how you feel. Oy! I am excited about Christmas as this is the first time in a long I will actually have presents to open as this is my first Christmas with BF and he is very excited, but I know what you mean about the rat race. Sometimes, well, a lot of times I am tired of getting up each day and doing the same things I always do, and that's not even work, just the normal household things. Ah, to be a kid again and just have to worry about playing! Holed up in a cabin with stitching and books sounds good.

  3. I wish I was 5 too. Then I wouldn't be caring for a newborn and trying to figure out how I'm going to make things work when I get back from maternity leave in just over 3 weeks (oh, the time is flying---eek!) and I have to go back to being on the phone 8 hours a day helping people fix their cell phones.

  4. Can I go back to 5 too! I completely understand now all those times when my Mom told me not to be in a hurry to grow up!!!

    Hope you have a better day today!

  5. Well, first let me tell you that I am 5. No seriously! I turn 5 once a My older brother created a rule when he turned 30 that we would drop the first number in our age. And you have to listen to your big brother, right? :-) So here I am 5 again for the 4th time.

    So many people seem to have gotten caught up in this modern world with having to do too much and not enjoying life anymore. At least, we all do take the moments in our day to stitch or quilt. I know there are a couple of ladies in my quilt group who always show up having done nothing and telling us over and over how busy they are. A couple of the others commented that it is a choice they make not to let the business of life get in the way of even 15 minutes a day of having needle and thread in hand. That to me is the best way to recharge emotionally. I am fortunate that I do not have to work outside the home and could not really now with my health problems. I thank God everyday that we have enough for me to be home. I still find time just flies by.

    I wish I could wrap you some me time in a box with a pretty bow and put it under your Christmas tree. Take 15 minutes today for you no matter what you do with them.

    Hugs ~

  6. Being 5 again sounds like a fine thing to be :)

    ((HUGS)) to you. I know exactlly where you are coming from DH and I moved away to the country last year and for 1 year enjoyed every minute of it, we are now back again in the rat race but hope to one day be in our secluded mountain home wherever that may be. Just us and our two pups.

    Take care and may the tru spirit of Christmas enter your heart each and every day

  7. Big 'ol TEXAS sized hugs for you. I understand, boy do I understand. Wish I could be 5 again also!

  8. I agree... being 5 was so much easier, and a lot more fun!


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