My meltdown

I am overwhelmed by personal emails from people I didn't realize how much read my blog. I do not mean to cause upset but this weekend I think I had a meltdown, so I just shut down.

I do hope to get back to writing because I do miss it but right now I'm trying to get better physically and emotionally.

This Christmas season started off for me up and down, off and on. I was so inspired by so many people's blogs I read daily and kept pushing "the spirit" but we had some extreme change in plans and our holiday will be more different than I've ever known. I don't know how to process it sometimes but all I can say is that since this past weekend I have had physical issues with ulcerative colitis flaring (haven't had a major flare in 2 years), and try to work the 3 days till tomorrow with it.

We found out my daughter is not coming home for Christmas and still haven't heard lately of updates with Brandon in Afghanistan and I actually had to cancel our community party at our house Sunday night. Sunday, I just read an entire book, The Wednesday Letters by Jason Wright and it was inspirational.

After work today, had to go to the Urgent Care clinic because of the colitis not being controlled with the usual medicines and I am pretty dehydrated. They worked 2 hours on my arms to start IVS for fluids and couldn't get a vein so sent me to the ER and I'm a bad patient, didn't go but came home and will call the GI doc tomorrow. When they started talking about using my neck for an IV, I'm out of there. Yes, call me chicken. Cross my fingers, promise to drink more, but really don't like needles.....especially in the neck!

So, if I haven't been working, I've been sleeping.

The doc I saw tonight at this clinic was very nice. She was extremely thorough and insisted I stay at home tomorrow (today) due to the colitis so I can prevent maybe getting to the point of inpatient hospital stay.

I told her no, I have lots of patients to see and she stopped me and said in her European voice, "You are human. You are sick. You cannot work. I said so". She could here my stomach gurgling and I got some nausea medicine.

I was like "yes mam". She meant well by it and you have to know that medical professionals make the worse patients you'll ever meet. But, I'm heeding her advice so I can get better.

It's hard going full blast treating pelvic pain patients to lying on a table myself and being a patient. Gaterade and crackers just wasn't getting it anymore so I had no choice.

I have to come to acceptance that I can't take care of everybody's problems all the time, I am human and need to take care of myself better. Maybe this will be a good New Year's resolution.

Our trip to Chicago was canceled this past weekend as well and I felt responsible for it but shouldn't have. The big blizzard rolling through will prevent a drive there and sadly I was looking forward to being out of town on Christmas morning and seeing everyone in Chicago.

This is the first Christmas I can ever remember without seeing my kids faces open presents and it really bothers me alot. I know that sounds like I don't appreciate my husband because I do and look forward to being with him but there's just something about kids and Christmas no matter what their ages being home at that time of year. I will really miss that last minute shopping for stocking stuffers.

Speaking of kids, my chihauhaus are acting like kids now and Ren has actually brought some spunk back with Abbie. Abbie still doesn't understand that he is blind and old and doesn't want to play wrestle and toss with him but she tries hard and he is grumpy.

She's into chasing her tail now endlessly and teething/biting her Wingie Dingie chews quite regularly.

Tonight I got a picture of Miss Abbie with one of my bracelets I got a month ago at Walmart actually, very inexpensive but I loved the pink ice skates on them. I was joking that it would be a pretty necklace for her and it fit her perfectly. I got her pic and then took it off. Her eyes are again as green as Christmas bulbs and if anybody can help me fix that, that would be great. The usual remove red-eye part of the pictures in my computer won't remove the green, so bear with the emerald eyes in the pictures! But, she is quite the Diva with this on.

So, thanks for all the prayers and comments. I never knew so many people really read my blog regularly and I hope to be back up to speed at least by January 1.

Santa has given strong hints he is bringing me a better camera so I will have another good reason to post some pictures soon, hopefully, p-u-ll-e-a-ze....Santa! And I have to get my creative block dealt with, so I can get back to stitching too. But, through with Christmas stitching, that's for sure.

I love each and every one of you and I hope to talk with you soon.

Talk later,
Jennifer