Wednesday, December 23, 2009

My meltdown

I am overwhelmed by personal emails from people I didn't realize how much read my blog. I do not mean to cause upset but this weekend I think I had a meltdown, so I just shut down.

I do hope to get back to writing because I do miss it but right now I'm trying to get better physically and emotionally.

This Christmas season started off for me up and down, off and on. I was so inspired by so many people's blogs I read daily and kept pushing "the spirit" but we had some extreme change in plans and our holiday will be more different than I've ever known. I don't know how to process it sometimes but all I can say is that since this past weekend I have had physical issues with ulcerative colitis flaring (haven't had a major flare in 2 years), and try to work the 3 days till tomorrow with it.

We found out my daughter is not coming home for Christmas and still haven't heard lately of updates with Brandon in Afghanistan and I actually had to cancel our community party at our house Sunday night. Sunday, I just read an entire book, The Wednesday Letters by Jason Wright and it was inspirational.

After work today, had to go to the Urgent Care clinic because of the colitis not being controlled with the usual medicines and I am pretty dehydrated. They worked 2 hours on my arms to start IVS for fluids and couldn't get a vein so sent me to the ER and I'm a bad patient, didn't go but came home and will call the GI doc tomorrow. When they started talking about using my neck for an IV, I'm out of there. Yes, call me chicken. Cross my fingers, promise to drink more, but really don't like needles.....especially in the neck!

So, if I haven't been working, I've been sleeping.

The doc I saw tonight at this clinic was very nice. She was extremely thorough and insisted I stay at home tomorrow (today) due to the colitis so I can prevent maybe getting to the point of inpatient hospital stay.

I told her no, I have lots of patients to see and she stopped me and said in her European voice, "You are human. You are sick. You cannot work. I said so". She could here my stomach gurgling and I got some nausea medicine.

I was like "yes mam". She meant well by it and you have to know that medical professionals make the worse patients you'll ever meet. But, I'm heeding her advice so I can get better.

It's hard going full blast treating pelvic pain patients to lying on a table myself and being a patient. Gaterade and crackers just wasn't getting it anymore so I had no choice.

I have to come to acceptance that I can't take care of everybody's problems all the time, I am human and need to take care of myself better. Maybe this will be a good New Year's resolution.

Our trip to Chicago was canceled this past weekend as well and I felt responsible for it but shouldn't have. The big blizzard rolling through will prevent a drive there and sadly I was looking forward to being out of town on Christmas morning and seeing everyone in Chicago.

This is the first Christmas I can ever remember without seeing my kids faces open presents and it really bothers me alot. I know that sounds like I don't appreciate my husband because I do and look forward to being with him but there's just something about kids and Christmas no matter what their ages being home at that time of year. I will really miss that last minute shopping for stocking stuffers.

Speaking of kids, my chihauhaus are acting like kids now and Ren has actually brought some spunk back with Abbie. Abbie still doesn't understand that he is blind and old and doesn't want to play wrestle and toss with him but she tries hard and he is grumpy.

She's into chasing her tail now endlessly and teething/biting her Wingie Dingie chews quite regularly.

Tonight I got a picture of Miss Abbie with one of my bracelets I got a month ago at Walmart actually, very inexpensive but I loved the pink ice skates on them. I was joking that it would be a pretty necklace for her and it fit her perfectly. I got her pic and then took it off. Her eyes are again as green as Christmas bulbs and if anybody can help me fix that, that would be great. The usual remove red-eye part of the pictures in my computer won't remove the green, so bear with the emerald eyes in the pictures! But, she is quite the Diva with this on.
So, thanks for all the prayers and comments. I never knew so many people really read my blog regularly and I hope to be back up to speed at least by January 1.
Santa has given strong hints he is bringing me a better camera so I will have another good reason to post some pictures soon, hopefully, p-u-ll-e-a-ze....Santa! And I have to get my creative block dealt with, so I can get back to stitching too. But, through with Christmas stitching, that's for sure.
I love each and every one of you and I hope to talk with you soon.
Talk later,


  1. I'm so glad ou are okay Jennifer. Sorry about your troubles and hopefully they will pass soon. Take care and lots of love. x

  2. Jennifer,

    I have to say I was happy to see your blog pop up on my blogger dashboard!

    So sorry to hear of all that you have been going through. Christmas can be so stressful with out any additional problems. I certainly hope that you are feeling better and taking care of yourself.

    I hope you can rest and relax and find peace this Christmas season.

  3. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!! I love your blog and check it everyday. Will pray for your son and you. I can't imagine Christmas without my grown up kids. Empty nest is no fun, especially this time of year. Wishing you well.

  4. I am so sorry about your troubles Jennifer! I wasn't sure how to respond to your other post but I knew something was up. Instead of responding with what might be the wrong thing to say, I decided to pray almost constantly for you instead.I have several physical limitations myself and they are getting me down right now as well. As a matter of fact, I may have to stay home cooped up by myself while hubbie and son celebrate the day out of town without me.I hope you can find something in the Christmas season to salvage.

    x Love and peace to you!

  5. Honey, we all have our melt downs, even the best of us get weary now and then.....I think every woman needs a good melt down now and then so we can re-group and recharge ourselves.

    Just take it slow and easy through the holidays, that's all anyone expects of you. Be kind to yourself.

    That Abbie is one cutie patootie!

    Remember, that your friends expect nothing more than your presence in our lives, and you are our sweet peach.


  6. SO GLAD that you will return to blogging!! I have had many disappointments this holiday season too, and can empathize. I will still pray that you grow in strength to enjoy the Christmas holiday.


  7. Jennifer,

    Apparently we are quite similar. I have ischemic colitis instead of ulcerative colitis though. I have had a horrible month or so. This Christmas will be quite different than any I have ever had too.
    Now, the only thing I wanted was a new camera, but I won't get it. So, if you do I'll just share in your joy - okay?
    Merry Christmas!

  8. Meltdowns are common this time of year but add to it health issues...ugh!

    Sweetie, you are loved but I'm just not there to hug you.

  9. Oh my goodness! You have brightened my morning. I was really hoping that you would come back. I really missed checking your blog to see what you were up to and was thrilled to see you have returned to your friends and readers.

    Give yourself the gift of a relaxing and worry-free holiday. Enjoy your husband, your home, your pups and have a wonderful time. Take care of yourself!

    Sandy in NJ

  10. Jennifer,
    I've been thinking about you and so concerned - sorry the end of the year isn't ending as you hoped. I pray that 2010 will be a wonderful year for you and your family.

    Christmas hugs to you,

  11. Yay! So happy to see your blog pop up in Reader. :D

    I was shocked and concerned to hear about your health flare-up, however, because I do know that healthcare pros are not good patients, as you say!! Good call on canceling the party and reading a novel--I find those very rejuvenating!

  12. "I can do all things through Christ who strengtheneth me." Philippians 4:13

    This was my first thought when I saw and read your blog this morning. I have been praying God's grace for you since your post yesterday. I am so sorry that you are experiencing such difficult times right now, but I am confident that you will make it through and be the better for it. I will be praying for you and your family, and I hope you have a blessed holiday season.

    I look forward to reading your first New Year 2010 blog post! :o)


  13. I'm glad to hear you sounding better. So much of our stress comes from our expectations of the perfect Christmas (just like our expectations of the perfect husband and perfect children!) Accepting things for what they are is a hard lesson! Physical ailments make everything else worse! Christmas is about the birth of Jesus and God keeping his Promise. Other things fall into place when you focus on God. Maybe you and I could go for coffee during the 12 days of Christmas - maybe plan our stitching for the New Year! With a son in a war zone, you are suffering stress most of us cannot comprehend!! I wish you could find a parents' support group. I can offer you my prayers, but it might help to talk to mothers who are dealing with the same issues as you. Merry Christmas and God Bless! You know where I live! ;)

  14. Christmas is supposed to be this joyous time of year but the stresses sometimes make it really bleak. This is my first holiday without my family, as I now live 1000 miles away and my holiday is not going to be relaxing since I have a newborn to care for. My mother flew out 6 hours before I went into labor and cannot come back to see her first grandchild which has made both of us very sad.

    So I understand the meltdown. Medical problems are especially hard. Try to relax and make the best of the holiday.

  15. I have worried so much about you. I am so glad to hear from you, even if you are sick. I pray you get better soon!

  16. My Christmas is not the same this year either. My 80 year old Mother passed away June 20th 2009. I miss her so very much as we loved each other deeply. It is a struggle to get thru each day without weeping but I am trying my best for my 13 yr old son Noah and my husband. I pray alot, and I will meet with her again one day in heaven, until then I must find comfort with my memories........

    Best Wishes Always~

  17. I was thrilled to see you in my Google Reader this morning. It really made my day.

    With everything going on in this crazy world, we all have our moments and our breakdowns. (I've had a few recently too. I think it is just the way we women are built!) Just know that there are people who care about you.

    During this holiday season please take the time to care for yourself......both mentally and physically.

    I can't speak for anyone else, but I'm here to help you through. Even if is to just leave encouragement through comments......

    As for shopping for stocking stuffers, turn your attention to Abbie and Ren. Fill their stockings with goodies instead. I know that they will appreciate that.

    All my best to you and your husband.....I hope 2010 is the best year yet!


  18. Glad you are doing better. We all go through our break down stage every now and then. Take care of yourself.

  19. I was so happy to see that you posted to your blog this morning.
    Please take care of yourself and get better.
    I am sending prayers and healing thoughts your way.
    Merry Christmas to you and BG.
    Happy Stitching ... Sandy

  20. I am really glad you are okay Jennifer. Colitis really sucks and this I know. I have IBS (not nearly as bad) but I have passed this one to my children (all 3 of them) and our middle one - younger daughter - has Chrons and IBS and her IBS was so bad that she was in hospital for almost a week and only came out on Monday.

    Hope you feel better soon and the only way to beat this is to rest and not stress yourself out. I know easier said than done.

    Hope you have a great Christmas anyway and a Happy & Healthier New Year.

    Lots of Love

    Patti xxx

  21. Sorry you're having a "different" Christmas this year. I hope you feel better soon.

    Just love the pic of your chi. So cute!

  22. So sorry to hear things have been going haywire lately- (((((HUGS)))) to you and I will be keeping you in my prayers!

  23. I think we all go through times like this. Take it easy & take care of yourself. ***hugs***

  24. Jennifer - Christmas can be very stressful even in the best of years! I'm so glad to see that you posted again. Was concerned and with good reason hearing about your colitis. Your doctor was right - you need to take care of yourself, because as we all know, you can't take care of others if you don't take care of yourself.

    I'm sorry that your trip was cancelled - I know that you were looking so forward to it. And I know how lonely it can be that you won't have your children around. But celebrate what you do have around you - your DH and your precious dogs.

    Have a wonderful Christmas!

  25. I'm so glad to see you back blogging again!!!!! For me it was like getting an early Christmas present.

    I hope you will be feeling better real soon. I'm sorry your trip had to be cancelled, but maybe it's for the best since you are having health problems.

    Enjoy the holidays and try and take care of yourself. Just sit back, stitch, relax, stitch, play with your beautiful little furbabies, stitch and enjoy the company of body guard, and if there's anytime left in the day, by all means do a little stitching.

    Wishing you both a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.


  26. Hope you fell better soon. I can relate to not being with kids at Christmas. My son is military and hasn't been home for Christmas in years. Take care of yourself and Merry Christmas to you and your hubby.

  27. I am so glad to see you writing again and I hope it continues! Everyone is entitled to an occassional melt down! It helps us put things in perspective and appreciate our lives again. Even though my grown kids still live at home that is all they do beside mooch off of us. They don't want to be a part of this family. I gave up. It my me and my husband before kids and we were happy. Now I concentrate on just the two of us again. I am working on rebuilding my life. If you want to email me my addy is Feel better and enjoy the holidays.

  28. I am so glad you are going to keep blogging! I am sorry things aren't going very well right now...prayers sent out to you and yours. Merry Christmas to you all.

  29. Glad you're back Jennifer.
    I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. Please take some more rest and get better soon.


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