Friday, July 9, 2010

Things I know for Sure As I end this Day

  • People you think are the best or closest family do not care in the least
  • People who I've never met in person are the kindest.
  • People don't want to talk to you when they know you have life changing issues. Pretending is not my thing.
  • People in general are too busy with perfect lives to have anything but perfect enter it.
  • People are having a real summer, or so it seems on blogs, and I'm not a pretender.
  • No matter how much care you send to family, they will never be there. Never have, never will. They read your thoughts but never respond to emails or communication. Now, I've got to be some villian to be like this.
  • Life goes on no matter what.
  • Appreciation is a thing of the past.
  • Dogs are more loyal than people, even your own parents.
  • I'm totally exhausted trying to figure people out.
  • But I know for sure the closest of friends, or what I thought, are the ones that scatter away when something bad happens, like it might touch their perfect life and taint it. I went through this with the loss of my child. Man, oh man, you know who your friends are.
  • I'm ready to go back to work, this vacation is a nightmare.
  • Time is going too slow, let's hurry it up somehow and get it over with.
  • There is a limit to loss in one year or I hope there is.
  • I'm probably judged as a complete moron for not counting my "blessings" right now. I confess, I'm stupid.
  • Is it only Friday this week?
  • Is it only July?
  • I'm in a rut right now and nobody likes ruts. They like Prozac=filled moments full of bliss, or so they portray.
  • The last time I wrote that, a stitching  "friend" said I was from Satan, so think what you will.
  • It's cloudy and gloomy and I think it's time for bed. It's 7:30pm.

23 comments:

  1. Jennifer, you aren't alone in your thoughts. I think the same thing about people and family. I think that blog friends are more open to listening than real life friends and family is not of your own choosing. Some folks are lucky and others are not. Life is hard...you just need to focus on the little things that make you happy in order to get through the day. And you are not a product of Satan. Frankly, that's one of the rudest things a person can say and only a "God-fearing" person would say that, yet at the same time, that is not something that God would condone.

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  2. I wish we lived closer so we could meet...have lunch...chat....vent. I'm so sorry this is a blue time for you. Please know that I am thinking of you and am keeping you in my prayers.

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  3. I'm sorry hon. I understand.
    Why don't you get in the car RIGHT NOW and start driving to my area.

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  4. Jennifer in your sadness know that lots of us are thinking of you and praying for some sunshine in your life. It's true - you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family! And sometimes the friends we thought we chose as friends can let us down. But be assured there are some of us who feel your pain and want to hug you right through the computer!! So I'm sending you a huge "bloggy" hug! Take care and look for the sunshine and light at the end of the tunnel - it may not be today, tomorrow or this week, but it will eventually come to you and shine upon you! Blessings. xx

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  5. You are in my thoughts and prayers as you work through your grief and sorrow.

    Sometimes it is better to just let go and let God. Those who are truly your friends (family included) will eventually come around. And if they don't, then that is their loss, not yours!!!

    Try to have a better weekend...

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  6. I am awed and astounded at your bravery and strength everytime I read your posts. Your honesty is so refreshing! I love to laugh with you when you are happy, cry with you when you are sad and jump for joy when amazing things happen for/to you.

    While it may seem that other people are living the "perfect" life, there are ghosts and demons in their closets that you just can't/don't see. Remember, life is all about progress, not perfection. You just have to take it one day at a time.

    I'm going to echo a previous comment and say that I wish we lived closer to each other. You would be welcome in my close knit stitching circle......no judgements......just you and your glorious imperfections for none of us are perfect!

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  7. Jennifer: Some people are just big farts, I have a brother that I had not seen or heard from in over three years our father died that was a year and a half ago and still he ignores us after all his wife thinks we suck oh well I donot need them to be happy I have a wonderful husband and a super wonderful mother, that is all I need.
    Time heals all and I hope your time to heal is now.

    Peace to you stitching friend.
    Catherine.

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  8. Jennifer, as the mom of 2 (a-hem) teenagers, I can attest to the truth of every word in what you've written. I can also recognize a mom who just needs a hug. So ((((hugs))) honey. From Satan, my a** (sorry). Also, I'm personally very proud of the last couple of posts you've made - even though you are very sad, you've attempted to keep things going - the recipes and the little fabric hearts and the wooden bowl and all - good for you, love! Ren would be proud! Again, take time for yourself and just do what YOU want. Btw, I made that same peach cobbler just this week! Just keep coping, sweetie, it's the best you can expect right now - and that's okay. Beth

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  9. ...I'm sorry to learn of Ren's passing and also that your tender heart is in so much pain...it's unfair that you care so much but receive so little comfort when you need and deserve it...you're right, it's impossible to figure out people...your friends here have you in their hearts and prayers.
    God bless you my friend...

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  10. hugs, Peaches, just......hugs. I am sending forehead kisses and thoughts of peace for a better day tomorrow.

    Love you
    Ma

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  11. So sorry to be just catching up and reading about your poor Ren. And sorry you are not getting the support and sympathy you should be getting right now. I think creative people like we stitchers/sewers/crafty types intimidate others with our talents.....talents we take for granted because they just come naturally to us. Do we ridicule jocks? Sometimes we need to retreat to what comforts us and it is our crafting which further intimidates them! That's it - they are jealous and worse, would never tolerate the treatment they are dishing to you in return. Hang in there.....time heals all.

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  12. I really like your banner photo. :)

    I think maybe people are walking a ragged edge and are wary of that last straw that could tip their scales. That may be why they seem so complacent in their happiness. Maybe it's an almost slipping facade of desperately-maintained-by-herculean-efforts type of happiness.

    These are tough times and I know that there are some of my "friends" that I just can't take anymore from. I guess trials separate the friends from the acquaintances and crazies from "normals". Of Satan? Seriously?

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  13. Oh Jennifer, I am so sorry that you are going through such a rough time. The cliche is that God only gives you what you can handle, but that isn't much comfort when you feel like everything is falling apart and there is no way out. Just keep plugging along and make time for yourself - do what you enjoy and what brings you peace. God is with you each and every step of the way.

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  14. I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I know I have felt like this too and it's not easy to sit and count your blessings during the hard times. I don't know how other people do it, I can't when I am super upset. Eventually I feel better though. What's important to you may not be for the people around you, I know that is hard to deal with. Sometimes I think the people around me just totally suck! And other times I don't.

    Any Christian friend that says anything about you and Satan is wrong. I am a Christian and I have learned that we are not to judge, ever.

    Sorry to ramble, I may be totally off, you can ignore me!

    Thinking of you and praying each day gets easier and that you be filled with peace and God's love. ((hugs!))

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  15. Give yourself time to grieve, Jennifer. I think people care more than you know. But, no one has a perfect life, sometimes they feel that they just have to be strong, and not let on that their own world is falling apart. I wrote you an e-mail. Just wanted to send Big Hugs to you, Dianne

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  16. Dear Jennifer,

    whoever would tell you that you're from Satan will answer to God someday for that one. Very unholy thing to say to someone, shame on them.

    A lot of the things you said, I'm right there with you on. I don't understand people sometimes, and darn sure don't understand family.
    Guess we are all just imperfect humans and some more than others perhaps, but that's life. Wish I had some answers....

    Well, if you haven't read it already, please consider reading the book "The Year of Magical Thinking" by Joan Didon. A friend of mine recommended it to me after my beloved Chester kitty died. The author loses her husband and the book is about that and how she dealt with her grief. It helped me understand the grieving process, whether it's a human loss, or a much loved animal, and it really got me through a time that few others understood (most people can't comprehend the pain behind losing a pet). I can send it to you if you'd like, just let me know....

    Big hugs to you. Everything will get better, just have faith....it will. You have a lot of friends out there....

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  17. Jennifer, you're one of the most wonderful persons I've met online, you're a sweetheart, I know, we aren't "friends", but I feel really close from you (not only because I'm Abbie's godmother, lol), I love the way you write, maybe that's the reason I feel close from you, I can see your heart when you write, we have our days, not all of them as good as we want, but it helps you to learn, you aren't alone, don't pay attention to the people who wants to hurt you, God knows you have a precious sould and heart. You need time to heal and to have a rest, take your time and go for a walk or make something different, you're on vacation!, at least for a day
    You're in my heart, my thoughts and my prayers <3

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  18. One thing I have learned about folks is that you can never put your trust in them. They will never meet your needs. However, God is always there and he never changes and he always speaks acceptance and blessings. He will never leave you or forsake you. He has you in the palm of his hand. Let the others go. Hold onto Him who is able to keep you.

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  19. Many hugs, thoughts and prayers your way!

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  20. Jennifer...Some of the sad and emotionally trying situations you have written about are in my life as well. I cannot pretend they don't exist either.I only know you from your blog and you are kind, intelligent,empathetic,energetic,articulate,creative and strong. These are all qualities that will help you find peace and contentment in your life. Warm Hugs To You!! Jan

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  21. Jennifer, I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our sweet 16-year-old cocker Scooby last November and my heart is still broken. I agree with you that people sometimes will avoid you during life-changing events. When my dad passed away 5 years ago, most of my neighbors (who we socialized with constantly) avoided me for several weeks.
    Carolyn

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  22. I am sorry to hear of Ren's passing! What a blessing he was to you and you to him!

    And as Valerie said in the very first comment, you are not a product of Satan! To say that is so disrespectful to you and your faith.

    Frankly, I love your honesty in your blog posts!

    Sending you cyber hugs, Jennifer!

    Robin in Virginia

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  23. Wow! Can't believe that someone would be so cruel as to say that about you. That "friend" obviously does not know that we are all children of a loving Heavenly Father and Brother.

    You have every right to feel down. You have had many trials from what I've gathered from reading your blog, and you know what? You are normal...we all get down and discouraged, but please keep in mind that God does not give us more trials than we can handle. Although at times it seems overbearing, but this too shall pass. Please don't let the discouragement become so much that it makes you feel like you are not a worthy daughter of God, that is what Satan would want. Keep the faith and hang in there. Things will get better.

    As for family, I don't know all of the events that went on in your life, but it is an everyday struggle with me too. It's a challenge to keep loving those who are cruel or have hurt us in the past,but we keep trying.

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We love to hear from you and yours any time and cherish the time you take to be with us here. I hope you have a GREAT week!
Jennifer

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