Tuesday, July 13, 2010

From woman to woman

Domestic violence is certainly not just affecting women but statistics show most are women.

 Why do I talk about this in a stitching blog?  Because alot of stitchers are women and the facts are sometimes not completely understood.

Awareness is the first step to ending this issue that is so prevalent in America.

DV is certainly not a new topic, but awareness due to the media, I think, is on the forefront of news and there are many laws now that protect victims that were not present just 10-20 years ago. This is a good advancement but unfortunately, the statistics show awareness is still not clear.

I won't go into the opinion of the Mel Gibson case; however, just for statistics review, and if interested the facts remain that as of 2007 in the United States:

  1. 1 in ever 4 women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime.
  2. 85% or more of victims of DV are women
  3. Most cases are never reported to police. This is for multifactoral reasons.
  4. almost 1/3 of homocide victims are killed by their present or past domestic partners
  5. less that 1/5 of women seek medical care for any physical assault of DV
  6. DV results in 18.5 MILLION mental health visits per year
  7. 60% of male abusers, also abuse their children in the household
  8. Boys who witness DV are twice as likely to abuse their own partners
  9. The cost of DV costs exceeds 5.8 billion dollars each year
  10. Sexual assault or forced sex occurs in at least 45% of DV cases
  11. There are 16, 800 HOMOCIDES  and 2.2 million injuries due to DV annually which results in average of 37 billion dollars a year for Americans.
  12. DV is one of the most common UNDER reported crimes in the United States. Still.
  13. Only approximately 1/4th of all physical assaults, 1/5th of all rapes, and 1/2 of all stalkings perpetrated are reported to police.
  14. Approximately 1/2 of all protection orders are violated.
  15. More than 2/3 of all restraining orders against perpetrators who commit rape or sexual assault  are violated
  16. DV occurs equally across economical, racial, or professional status. This is often misunderstood.
If a present or past partner has threatened you or anyone you know, take it seriously forever, no matter what the restraining order/ protection order status.

DV is a serious problem and fortunately there are more awareness and resources for victims now than was present even 10 years ago.
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If you know someone, and you probably do, that is in an abusive relationship, listening and being there for her is the best thing you can do. The victim has to be ready to leave the relationship herself and that may take 7 or more times before the final termination of such a relationship.

Unhelpful comments include, "Why can't you just leave?", or "I wouldn't take that from him" or "What did you do to cause it?" or "Don't you want to stay for the children?" or "He loves you but he just doesn't know how to show it" or "You caused it, no wonder he did it", or " you're crazy" or " he was just drinking and didn't mean to do it".

Don't give up on you or your friend. You will never know how much just having a friend to talk to can influence the rest of her life in a positive way. Her family probably has already left her emotionally and/or physically if she is trying to be in a healthier relationship. This is the pattern she learned that was normal to start with. Try to understand when triggers may cause her to feel threatened again, even if years later. Understand she will be different but her heart is the same.

If this only reaches one person out there, this post is worth it.

 A life is worth it.

If you are in that relationship, never, ever give up. There is life without abuse out there and you are worth it. You are not alone.

8 comments:

  1. Very well put. Although the stats are extremely high for the victim being female the rate of male victims has increased dramatically also.

    The unfortunate misunderstanding is that it should is easy to remove yourself from a DV situation. Removing yourself from DV relationship is extremely difficult as the victim is in an "uncomfortable comfort zone."

    A true test for anyone assisting a victim is knowing the difference between hearing and listening.

    Thank you for posting this, and I totally agree, if it touches just one individual it was well worth the effort.

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  2. So many times when my husband worked in the DA's office, a woman would come in and BEG him to DROP the charges against her boyfriend/husband! Those relationships are so complex and difficult to end. A young lady we know around here almost had her neck snapped in two by an ex-boyfriend a month or so ago. The slightest bit more force and..., the doctor said!

    ReplyDelete
  3. So many times when my husband worked in the DA's office, a woman would come in and BEG him to DROP the charges against her boyfriend/husband! Those relationships are so complex and difficult to end. A young lady we know around here almost had her neck snapped in two by an ex-boyfriend a month or so ago. The slightest bit more force and..., the doctor said!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I share this with a heavy heart.

    A high school friend of mine called me once and in conversation mentioned her husband didn't really 'let' her go places. Some things she said gave me 'red flags' but when I asked her she said 'Oh NO. He'd never hurt me or the kids.'

    Well..fast forward a few years and she's DEAD! He killed her and then himself in front of their 2 girls.

    As a friend living in a different state, I only had a clue. I mentioned concern but she tricked herself into believing AGAINST HER INTUITION.

    Ladies...go with your INTUITION. If you think something is off...it probabaly is. Seek help, professional counseling/advise, and safety.

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  5. Great post. Thanks for writing it.

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  6. Just another reason to buy Mary Kay. They contribute millions of dollars toward it. The company recently built a playground in Dahlonega, (sp?) Georgia at the women's shelter. I've had a blurb on my homepage for purchasing lipsticks for DV. Thanks for putting this on your blog.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Jen this is a great great post!
    I'm so glad that you had the guts to put it out there. Sometimes people don't like the confrontation but need to hear it.

    I have been in a relationship where I was emotionally abused, I didn't wake up and realize it until the day he hit me. It's a tough thing to do but you have to walk away and get some help.
    I hope that anyone out there that is having a rough time finds the strength to realize they are a person and worth more than the abuser.

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  8. It's a great post, you live in the US, but we get awful things in my country with DV, sometimes I get deppressed, just can't understand why the girls don't think their partners aren't working right with them

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Jennifer

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