The First Father's Day Without My Father

I could write alot about my daddy. I've known him and loved him for half a century. But there is no amount of room here to explain the closeness we had in our hearts. Our first Fathers day without him. Doesn't seem real. I still have 2 phone messages on my phone that I will not delete. It's him calling me the last time in October 2016 before he got sick. As usual, he says "hey Jennifer, just calling to check on you and see how you are doing this week". I'd call him back. 

I have notes he left on my door when I was at work while he was nearby. They were usually on the back of Autozone or Lowes receipts. He would write to say he missed me and loved me.

In 2013, he put a note on my door that said "Pray for me". He had his younger days before my kids were born where he was pretty doggone intense. (I'm sure I did too) but about age 50-60, he mellowed out and in his last 3 years, we spent much time talking. He was my  rock. The first man I loved. The man that taught me to be strong when I would lose hope. 

My daddy was always pulling a prank or joke. He loved to laugh and ask me to remember when........all kinds of things. We fished together, we went out in the woods to get a Christmas tree, he always went with me to get a new car just for advice and I could definitely trust him with anything auto related. 

He was the one I called for all things mechanical and wisdom for rebellious children, small and adult.

He let me learn some lessons the hard way.

I needed to learn them too.

He called me Doodlebug and actually melted a nickel with a welding tool when I was 8 and wrote my name on it, put a hole for a chain and I wore it alot in elementary school.

My daddy loved animals and I soooooo got that from him. He loved the outdoors and even though he was vigilent about mosquito spray he lost his life to West nile virus just 7 weeks ago.

My daddy is in a much better place now and I tell myself he is not in pain or suffering anymore. Some days that helps and somedays not. I take one day at a time. I miss him very badly.

I miss Sunday night phone calls at 9:30pm.

I miss being able to call him and ask his advice on all things life related.

I miss being able to confide in him and him to me without involving other people.

His spirit though is still with me. That much I do know.

And I just looked at the clock and it's that time of the night on Sunday when he usually calls.

So for all the fathers out there, Happy Fathers Day!

And for those whose father has gone to heaven, I know exactly how you feel today.

Till later,

Jennifer