Slipping away

February Song

by Josh Groban




Where has that old friend gone

Lost in a February song

Tell him it won't be long

Til he opens his eyes, opens his eyes

Where is that simple day

Before colors broke into shades

And how did I ever fade

Into this life, into this life



And I never want to let you down

Forgive me if I slip away

When all that I've known is lost and found

I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day


Morning is waking up

And sometimes it's more than just enough

When all that you need to love

Is in front of your eyes

It's in front of your eyes



And I never want to let you down

Forgive me if I slip away

Sometimes it's hard to find the ground

Cause I keep on falling as I try to get away

From this crazy world



And I never want to let you down

Forgive me if I slip away

When all that I've known is lost and found

I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day



Where has that old friend gone

Lost in a February song

Tell him it won't be long

Til he opens his eyes

Opens his eyes.
 

 

 No one grounds me more than Josh Groban's music. The piano is my first love and is always there for a balm on difficult days. I love listening to Josh Groban's videos and I'm sure his songs will be one of the first I list on my new IPOD.  He can express things I feel but cannot say.

 

His musical talent has touched my heart forever. I just watched his video, February Song, and couldn't embed in this posting but if you have a chance to go to U-tube, take a few minutes to listen to it on his official website. He plays the piano and delivers a voice of beauty to his audience.  His heartfelt words are communicated  with sincerity.

 

Today, I thank God in prayer that He doesn't treat us like humans do. He is always there and will never reject us. That is a gift within itself that no one can take away from me. 

 

 He is my Heavenly Father, completely different from my earthly Father, and with Father time who gently holds my heart on days like today and whispers to me "just slip away" but with His gentleness I realize that He is there and will be the only one not to leave me. His love is unconditional and of course, He made me, so He knows what's in my fiber long before I knew. 

 

He will help me slip away and bow gracefully out of unwanted territories.  Sometimes I'm pretty dumb at figuring out when my prescence is no longer needed or wanted. It's hard to admit that I was just a stepping stone for a long time. Who wants to feel that useless in life? But I did my best that I could with what I was given, which was definitely not meeting standards, I guess, to folks you think would return love that you give.

 

Life lesson:   love is not always a two-way street.

 

 Where is that simple day

Before colors broke into shades

And how did I ever fade

Into this life, into his life

 

Slip away.

 

Slip away.

 

Today. 

 

Happy Birthday Brandon! I know you still read this blog even though unresponsive to emails, letters. This perplexes me somewhat as I thought you had matured, but son you have many years ahead to learn.

 I will always love you but realize you want me to slip out of your life forever. This is hard for me as I diapered you, loved and protected you, recorded your first steps, your first tooth, and read many books incessently over and over, listened to you and played with you, rocked you to sleep on many nights, dried your tears and sniffles,  took up for you in when I got called to parent conferences---many times, was your sideline cheer during baseball, was the one who held your hand in an airplane, who always bought you the best I could at Christmas's because I wanted you to feel special, cared for you for years when you were sick and needed tending, played the piano for you to ease you to sleep on those restless nights, prayed hard and without end when you went to war, supported you at your pinning ceremony even though my heart didn't want to lose you to a cruel war in the future, hugged and tried hard to welcome your wife into our home, always thought of you as someone who made me laugh and could count on that,  something you will never understand until you have your own children. My last prayer for you is that you will not have a son who hurts your heart as you have hurt mine in this past year. It's not anything I would wish for anybody.

I am not perfect by no means. Will never be. But my heart was always on the protect mode for you and in some cases that only caused confusion for you and until you have your own little ones to protect, will you understand completely what that level of maturity is all about.

I want to thank you for giving me the years that you did to learn many life lessons and your hugs. 

But, ironically, through all this there is one thing you cannot take away from me and that is the memories that live in my heart, the good and the bad.

 I choose to remember the good.

You choose to not remember because if you did, you wouldn't be so hurtful.

I pray for you that your heart will one day understand.... one day, for your own sake.

As you used to say when you were 3 years old, "mama, is this one day?" because I would tell you one day, then I guess this is "one day" and your wish for me is coming true.

  I miss getting a cake for your birthday and getting mums to put around it, but I guess all I did was useless to you. It's a big step for me, Brandon, for my heart to walk away. I hope you never know how that feels as a parent, because I still love you and wouldn't want this to happen to you in the future.

God bless you at whatever you do.

 

Forgive me if my heart just slips away.

Love Always,

Mama