What does the word mother conjure up in your thoughts? For some, Mother's Day is horrible and they just want to get through the weekend and avoid shopping to remind them of what kind of mother they had or lack of. It may be a reminder their own adult kids don't love them anymore. For others, it's beautiful with appreciation and that special phone call for the day. Even best is sharing a meal with them. For some whose buried children, it's a very painful reminder.
I used to be one of those focusing on why my own mother would make decisions that wasn't quite right or controversial to my own parenting, or just wondering why the heck she can't live her dreams.
You know through spiritual growth and some life experience on my own, I sought God's answer to this as I do want to "honor my father and mother". I found out not agreeing on something or someone is normal in families and you know what? I love my mother no matter what. I always have and that's why it was bothering me. I have been in situations she chose not to help me with even when in fear of my life but I looked at it from where she and who she was in perspective to her life and I remember those years bound to not making decisions for fear of not being the peacemaker in the family. She really can't be responsible for the toxic members of the family. Only herself.
How can I honor her? I could find many things she didn't really honor me with.
However, she gave me birth. If it were not for her I wouldn't be here on this Earth.
For some, that's where it stops. I remember that if it weren't for her, I wouldn't have been taken to church and given a second life with Christ which would take root in my heart. There were times I even questioned her relationship to God. How could she be hurtful in her speech and act as if she doesn't care? Well, I was quickly reminded of the environment she lived in for I lived in it many years as well and I could have chose to live that kind of life but I struggled through years of finally finding true love. I wished always for her that she could have found that but that is not my life, it's hers and my relationship really in my heart never changed as far as love. I love my mama and there is no one that can change that even though several have tried.
Some of us are stronger than others and can weave through all the distractions of Satan and still remain strong.
As I enter a half century of my life, through years comes wisdom indeed. There were things I would never have understood in my twenties if I had not gone through both good and bad and learned lessons from it. My own adult children decided 3 years ago to shun their own mother and stop loving her. They do not realize in their inexeperienced stage of life how manipulation of others has stopped their growth in their relationship with God for we are to love our mother and father. I came to peace with their decision about a year ago and let go. But even in doing so, there is nothing that takes away my love for them. Satan is trying so hard. People ask me how can you say that after their behavior?
Well, I'll tell you that I was reminded through scripture and prayer, many things change and we can't control other peoples reactions. We only are responsible for our own as an adult. And they will be held accountable in their hearts one day.
I chose to love my God and reestablish my relationship with my parents because it is my duty. That doesn't mean I have to listen to "your stupid" or welcome that in our home. It means I will continue to appreciate the things, however the number of good, to find things we love in common, celebrate life's good things and shake our heads at the other things.
Why am I sharing this with you? You know the reason is that there are other parents and children in this same situation. I've had way too many personal emails to thank me for the courage to relate to everyday issues. None of us are perfect. We choose our response to such that we have been given. And it does take courage to write, but I hope in some way it helps someone see that God loves them and that is the most important focus.
Forgiveness is something that is really for yourself. It releases and tells the other person simply I'm done. Doesn't mean you will forget, means you are mature enough to look to the future. You give them no power over the future. You letting go doesn't mean "I don't love you". It means I do love you and one day when you are a parent you will regret the years you lost with the one that gave you life, protected you, and loved you with all her heart.
It makes me gravely sad that my adult children shun me but I know that God will never do that to me and I also know that there are so many lessons they will learn when they are parents and it may not be in my lifetime but I did my best at the time to love and protect them. My heart is open for the rest of my life for that reconnection no matter how they choose to be manipulated, no matter how they can't look me in the eyes, they know in their hearts I love them and that's what matters.
I felt God speak to my heart that He also grieves when we shun him in life. So many do, but we should honor Him. He made us. We will be accountable one day if we don't have a relationship with Him, depend on Him, and never be ashamed to say we love Him.
She prayed with me Now I lay me down to sleep for years before bedtime.
She tried to protect me from harm although she was limited by the environment and relationship she was in.
She also encouraged me, and paid for me to have piano lessons from the age of 5. She and only she worked to pay the teacher. She saw my musical talent and she herself used to play the piano to me. I thought that was cool.
The old piano was given to me when I was an adult and memories abound that my own children know nothing of.
That love of music through decades help me cope with alot of trajedies.
But bottom line is, she knows I love her. I tell her. She tells me. That is priceless to me.
Her recent letter with a pic of her flowers she raised, inspired the colors as well. I hope you like it.
Here's hoping you stitch happy today!